Friends and Lovers
by Mystrothedefender
Summary: The life of a mad man can be so confusing, one day you're eating Chinese in a flat, the next you're eating carrot cake in a mansion! So imagine how confusing it must be being the friend of one, or even worse, the lover. Mild slash in the 5th chapter.
1. A meeting

A man in a purple suit walked into a bar.

The people in said bar stared at him, all of them shocked.

But none dared to move for fear of being shot down.

Cowards.

The man sat at a table and started eyeing the menu.

His deep red lips spread into a smile as he held up a hand, staring intensely at one of the barmen and proclaiming, "a Dr. Pepper and a plate of chips my dear sir!"

The youngest of the barmen hurried over with the drink.

He was either brave or stupid enough to say that the chips would be ready in a few minutes.

Tension in the bar grew. The others standing or sitting still, staring, shocked, now at the young barman whom they were amazed had the ability to speak to this man.

This man who had killed so many, with so little effort.

This man who was now looking the barman up and down, his smile grew wider. "I'm looking forward to them."

The barman gave a small bow and hurried off towards the kitchen.

"And they better be good or else heads might roll!" The man yelled after him and laughed maniacally as he took a sip of his drink.

The surrounding people tried to act normal, scared to move too fast, terrified of their seemingly imminent death.

Disgusting.

Having to live in the same world as these things? People.

Does that woman in the black coat even know how many people died at the hand of the ones who made that drink?

The man, who everyone was scared of, he knew.

That was one of the things that disgusted him.

That these people would do things like that to each other, then have the nerve to call him a monster.

That's one of the reasons why he found it so funny.

Them.

Oh.

But whats this?

One of them, a woman, had stood up, and not to leave, as a few others slowly had.

How odd.

The barman rushed over, carrying a large plate of chips, temporarily blocking his view of the woman.

The man picked up one of the larger chips, dipping it in tomato ketchup and shoving it into his mouth, all the while keeping his large green eyes fixed on the woman.

She looked sort of like that Lois Lain woman who's always being saved by superman, if she put on a few pounds and died her hair red.

She looked rather pretty really.

Dressed almost entirely in white, with a green scarf.

She sat down at the table, next to the man who everyone else was scared of, and she took one of his chips.

He would have killed her there and then if he wasn't so confused.

"You're the Joker aren't you?" She smiled sincerely.

He nodded.

She knew who he was, yet she wasn't scared. She didn't run.

"Why are you talking to me?"

He felt he had to ask.

"Why not? You seem like an interesting person."

She waved her hand and asked the barman for a coffee.

"I take it you want something from me?" He asked, still amused by her presence.

"Just to talk."

He was sure that meant yes.

"That can't be all, if you know who I am you wouldn't just want to talk."

"I thought it'd be fun to meet someone whom I admired."

Joker had an obviously confused look on his face, although he was still grinning, he couldn't hide it.

"You admire me? Well I'm no celebrity, but it's always nice to meet a fan." His grin consumed his face.

At least now he'd found a reason for her talking to him.

"But I must say I do have some questions."

She stirred the coffee she had just been handed.

"Oh but that wouldn't be just talking miss, that would be more of an interview, or interrogation even."

"Well it's almost impossible to talk to someone without asking questions isn't it?"

Joker laughed, loudly and unashamedly.

She looked at him. She was smirking, like she had just won an argument.

"Then would you mind if I asked the first couple of questions, miss?"

She nodded happily.

"Firstly: whats your name? Secondly: why do you say you admire me?"

He scoffed some more of his chips and took another swig of his drink.

"Well if you don't mind sir, I'd rather keep my name secret, but call me... Amanda."

She sipped her coffee and Joker waited intently for the answer to his second question.

He was intrigued by her.

"I admire you because you've done so much."

He smiled "what is it I've done that impresses you, Amanda?"

"You've thrown off the shackles of society, you do whatever you want and work for people because you want to, not because you have to. You don't have to worry about paying rent or if something you say will offend people. All you have to worry about is not getting caught by the police, which doesn't look too hard, and then batman of course, but I've seen you interact with him and it's obvious that you enjoy that."

She sighed.

"Your life just looks so amazing."

And just like that almost all of the confusion Joker had felt before had gone. Now he knew all he needed to about her.

This was brilliant, he thought. Joker had found a mind to break, he hadn't had one since Harley's.

And he did miss Harley.

In his own way.

And this mind wanted to be broken, that would be new, that sort of opportunity had never arisen before.

"So you've grown bored of your lifestyle, you get home from your boring job, most likely working in a clothes shop with other girls who you don't get on with, you feed your cat and then you clean its shit, then you watch the reruns of your favorite old TV shows and go to sleep."

She took another sip of coffee.

"Did I get all that right, Amanda?"

"Yes, although I have several cats, not just one."

He cocked his head.

"Aren't you amazed at my detective skills?"

She smiled.

"I would be if I didn't know you so well."

He laughed.

"No one knows me that well, except maybe Batman," he said defensively.

"Well no, but I know most of your little tricks."

Joker started to feel a little uncomfortable.

"So now I have a stalker?"

She laughed, a booming effervescent laugh.

"No, but you're the one who shows almost all his stunts on TV, and you're always on the news. How am I supposed to not notice what you do?"

"And you know all about me from watching me on TV?"

"Oh of course not, no one can 'know all about' someone else. That's just impossible. I just said I know most of your little tricks. I'm sure that doesn't add up to me knowing even a tiny bit about you."

"No, it doesn't. To be honest, I don't even know all about me!" He laughed, mockingly.

"I guess not, but umm, I wouldn't mind knowing more about you."

She slid her hand over the table to touch his.

He smirked.

"Now I don't think that's how we want this to go," he whispered.

She blushed and retracted her hand, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

She giggled.

"You know you did really Amanda."

She stopped smiling.

"Really? Is that what you want?" Joker smiled.

She smiled again.

"Well I suppose there's nothing wrong with being friends, then."

Joker laughed.

"I guess not."

Joker tapped her arm.

"It's always good to make new friends." He tittered.

"Well, Miss Amanda, I hate to leave you in such a way, but I really do have to go."

"What? Really? But we've only just started talking."

"I know, I know, it sucks but I have someone I have to talk to, and he just appeared at the window."

He pointed towards the window where a short fat man, wearing a top hat and holding an umbrella, was waiting.

He ate the the last few chips on his plate and stood up.

"I'll see you again some time though, won't I?" She looked at him almost longingly.

He gave a monumental smile. The man, whom she wasn't afraid of.

"I'll make sure of it, Miss."

Always one to leave them wanting more.

As he walked towards the door the barman stood up and started towards him.

"Excuse me, sir? You didn't pay for your chips and drink sir."

Idiot.

"Oh yes my dear man, do you take cards?"

He threw a card at him. It floated in front of him for a second before landing on the floor. A joker stared up from it.

Amanda laughed at this classic Joker move.

The barman looked up at him.

The man in the purple suit walked out of the bar.

"Was that some sort of joke?" The barman asked.


	2. A friend?

The jacket of the purple suit was casually thrown on the floor.

The trousers were still on the man, who was now sitting on the sofa.

The same sofa he always ended up sitting on on a Friday night.

Joker sighed.

His life had become so boring...

Batman hardly ever payed attention to him anymore.

Batman was always off playing with someone else.

Clay face, that puppet guy and he was off with superman and the other justice arseholes earlier this week too.

And he hadn't seen or heard from Harley in over 3 months.

God she'd be mad at him when she got out of Arkham.

She'd say it was his fault that she'd been put in there.

But it wasn't his fault she didn't run fast enough.

"Silly girl" he laughed.

He needed something to do.

Then he remembered that woman.

It had been nice talking to someone new.

And odd that she wasn't afraid of him 'a fan' so to say.

Hmm...

Maybe he should go and see her.

But it had only been a day.

Doesn't that seem a little too soon?

Wouldn't it be better for her to sit around wondering if he was coming?

He shook his head and laughed.

Why was he bothering with what she might be thinking?

All that mattered was that he was bored.

And that he could have fun with her.

The first place he looked was the bar.

He'd be lucky if she was there.

Oh.

Look at that.

"It must be my lucky day." He whispered to himself.

As she walked out of the pub.

With a take away coffee held to her lips.

Joker giggled to himself.

He followed her at a distance, pulling his hat down over his face.

She darted into a Chinese restaurant.

He pressed him self against the wall, peering through the window.

Joker waited for over five minutes for her to come out, holding a large bag full of food.

It looked like too much food for just one person, but then again she did say she had lots of cats.

He shrugged and continued walking after her.

She suddenly stopped, dead still, realising someone was following her.

Joker slipped behind a car, laughing quietly.

Such fun!

She was looking casually behind her.

And, not seeing him, she shook her head gently and continued walking.

Although slightly slower than before.

He snuck out from behind the car and positioned him self slightly further from her before preceding.

Taking one last look over her shoulder.

And again not seeing him.

Amanda took out her keys and scampered into her apartment building.

Joker stood up straight, cleared his throat, and started whistling.

He caught the door and strolled into the building.

He walked up to the front desk.

"How may I help you?" the doorman behind the desk said, looking slightly confused as to why this mans hat was covering his face.

"Hello my good sir" Joker said, putting on his most manly voice.

"I'm looking for a lovely little lady who lives in this building, goes by the name Amanda?"

The doorman cocked his head "no one in this building goes by that name sir"

"Oh right... well she's about 5'10, she has red hair and has a kind of square shaped face."

The old man nodded "that'd be miss Rachel, from apartment 12. Why would she tell you her name was Amanda?"

"Yes that is a little weird isn't it..." Joker smiled, turning to go up the stairs.

"But then she always has been a little odd." The doorman joked.

Bang!

And the poor old man fell to the floor.

With a slightly smoking hole in his chest.

"I'm the one who tells the jokes, thank you!" Joker yelled in his normal tone.

And he galloped up the stairs.

He counted the apartments as he went.

One.

Four.

Seven.

Ten.

It must be on this floor.

Ah yes, twelve.

He lent up against the door and pulled a compact mirror from his pocket.

He admired himself for a few seconds, then checked his teeth and placed the mirror back in his pocket.

He slowly knocked on the door.

He tipped his hat back and smiled widely as the door opened.

"Are you impressed with my detective skills now?"

For a second she stood with her mouth slightly open in near shock.

She was wearing the same clothes as when they first met, although without the scarf, or footwear.

"Umm, kind of. So it was you who was following me then?"

She opened the door wider to let Joker in.

"Holy wow, you weren't lying when you said you had a lot of cats!"

As he walked in he was hit by the smell of cat litter.

And the sight of at least one cat on every surface.

And about 5 huddled round the bag of Chinese food that had been placed on the table.

"Yeah, I'm what some people would call a crazy cat lady" she giggled.

"Would you like some sweet and sour chicken?" she said as she walked to the table, casually sweeping the cats off.

"I've never had it." He said, looking around the small apartment, an open plan living room/kitchen and two doors along a wall, one probably led to the bathroom and the other to the bedroom.

Her mouth dropped open "seriously?"

Joker nodded.

"Well that's weird."

She suddenly stopped and looked around frantically.

"Isis? Isis where are you?"

Now that name sounded familiar.

"Who's Isis?"

"She's one of my friends cats. Oh there you are you silly thing!" she picked up the cat and stroked her head.

"I'm looking after her while she's on holiday. Oh you'll never guess who shes gone with! Bruce Wayne! I really can't believe I know someone who knows Bruce Wayne." she laughed.

Joker smiled at her as he pulled some food out of the paper bag.

He pulled a fork out of one of his almost bottomless pockets and began scarfing down the liquidy chicken.

Rachel also took some food then sat on the sofa.

She patted the seat next to her.

Joker looked down suspiciously at her, before cautiously sitting next to her.

It was a rather small sofa, he was practically sitting on her lap.

She giggled and he smiled at her.

She flicked on the T.V.

Loony toons, his favorite.

He sighed and smiled.

Ok, so this _was_ what he normally did on a Friday night but at least this time he had a friend to share it with.

And some nice food, some of which they threw on the floor for the cats to eat.

They laughed as they watched the cats fight over a hunk of chicken.

"Ok you two that's enough..." she waved her foot at them.

She let out a tiny squeak as one of them scratched her foot.

"Ow! Harry you little...!"

She hobbled to the kitchen and pulled a plaster from a drawer.

She hopped around trying to put it on her self before collapsing on the floor.

Joker burst out laughing, not getting up to help, "clumsy you." he managed to say through the giggles.

"Damn it." she said as she lifted herself onto the counter.

"Could you help me get this on please?" she whispered sheepishly.

Joker got up, still giggling, "Of course Amanda, or should I say Rachel?"

She blushed as he said this.

"I'm sorry about that, but everyone knows how dangerous you can be, and I didn't really want my name out there as 'a friend of the Joker' 'coz most of the time, if you're lucky or stupid enough to become friends with the Joker, eventually you're going to end up either in prison or dead."

He smirked and stuck the plaster on her foot.

She limped back to the sofa.

"Not everyone I'm 'friends' with dies or goes to Arkham."

"Oh yeah who's not?"

"Umm... yeah ok no one." he mumbled contemplatively.

She smiled and nodded.

"Well ok, but a guy can change can't he?"

He sat on the sofa next to her, and resumed watching T.V.

She made a small gasping noise "ahh my foot really hurts."

She started to rub her foot.

"Well it was quite a deep cut."

"It's my own fault really."

Joker smiled and nodded.

She laughed again and they continued talking.

The jacket of the purple suit had been casually thrown on the floor.

The trousers were still on the man, who was now sitting on the sofa, with a girl named Rachel.

They were talking about all sorts or nonsensical things, just talking, and occasionally laughing, watching T.V.

And they were both fine with that, just talking, as if friends.


	3. A question

Joker woke with a headache.

But he didn't remember drinking.

God it hurt.

He struggled off the sofa, over to the sink, his eyes hardly open.

Bumping into things as he went.

He grabbed a mug off the side and filled it with water.

"What the hell...?"

Where was he?

This wasn't his house.

He didn't even _have _a house.

He checked his pockets, hmm, no note.

He normally left a note for himself if he'd moved to a new location.

Just incase he forgot.

He sipped his water and stumbled back to the sofa.

"Ok. Why is there a cat in my chair?"

He looked around.

"Why are there cats everywhere?"

He put his hand to his head, trying to remember.

Oh yes, of course.

"Rachel!"

He didn't hear a response.

"I'm awake!"

...

Still no response.

"Can I call you Rocky?"

...

Still no response.

"I'll take that as a yes."

He walked to one of the doors.

50/50 chance it was the bedroom.

"Rachel... Rocky...?"

He pushed the door open.

It was the bedroom, but it was empty.

He checked the other room, also empty.

She'd left him sleeping?

Not a very good hostess.

There was nothing of value in the apartment, or anything interesting.

So he decided to raid the fridge.

But he found nothing.

Guess she only ate take aways...

So he was doomed to be hungry.

And he was still rather tired.

So he fluffed up the pillow and drifted off to sleep again.

Maybe his headache would go away.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

He suddenly felt a pain in his stomach.

His eyes opened to see a large cat pawing at him.

"Fucking hell! Cats! God damn cats!"

He grabbed the cat by the scruff of the neck and hurled it at the window.

Unfortunately it was closed, so the cat just bounced off the glass and ran into one of the other rooms.

"Oh my god, Joker, did you just try to throw one of my cats out the window? We're on the 5th floor!"

"... So? Cats land on their feet don't they?"

She shook her head in frustration.

"Whatever. I got you coffee and some muffins if you want 'em."

Joker sat up and held out his hands to receive the food and drink.

She handed him the bag and sat down beside him.

"I expected you to have gone by the time I got back"

"Well I expected you to be here when I woke up."

She giggled "yeah, so I guess we're even then?"

Joker smiled.

He sighed as he turned on the T.V.

He flicked through the channels.

"Can we watch the news, Joker?"

"Fuck no, there's nothing on about me at the moment. it'll just be some twat talking about a little puppy who only has two legs or something stupid like that."

"There might be something about batman on?"

"No. I don't want to."

He continued switching the channels.

"What? Don't you like watching your boyfriend fight with someone else?"

She chuckled.

His jaw clenched.

Why did people always assume that his obsession with battsy was also a sexual one?

Although no one had actually _said _anything about it to him before.

Just because he thought about him almost 24/7, dreamt about him, and based his livelihood around him didn't mean he had a crush on him, fancied him, or loved him.

Did it?

No, of course not.

Did it?

Where did that idea even come from?

It was that stupid woman, putting these ideas into his head.

He didn't want to be 'friends' with her anymore.

"If you don't mind, Rocky, I think I should leave now."

She stared at him in confusion.

"Look I didn't mean to offend you or anything, I was only joking."

Joker stood up and walked towards the door.

"I'm the one who makes the jokes." He said through gritted teeth.

As he moved towards the door he pulled out his gun, pointed it at one of the cats.

Rachel screamed as the gun went off, and blood splattered the wall.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

He walked down the road towards the apartment he was staying in.

His mind was going a billion miles an hour.

As opposed to the millions it would normally go at.

He was starting to really think about himself.

Thinking about all those weird feelings he had ever felt whilst fighting batman.

He had always put them down to the adrenaline.

Because it was a completely different feeling to when he was with Harley.

Although it felt just as good.

Just in a different way.

No.

No.

Couldn't possibly be true.

He walked up to the apartment.

And saw lights on inside.

DAMN IT!

The rightful owners where back.

He sighed.

Brilliant.

Where was he supposed to go now?

Ooh, hang on a sec.

That girl had mentioned something about Bruce Wayne being on holiday.

Now that'd be a nice place to stay in for a few weeks.

That had slapped the smile back on his face.

Although he would have to travel there in day light.

Which was always dangerous for him.

But he always got a bit of a kick from danger...

...

Waltzing over to Wayne manor, how fun.

Scaring many 'innocents' as batman sometimes called them.

And there he was thinking about batman again.

"Damn, I just can't seem to get him out of my mind. What the fuck?" He yelled at a random woman.

She jumped back, and said, angrily, the worst thing anyone could ever have said.

"Then go and talk to him you gay madman..."

That stupid, stupid woman.

As if he wasn't in a bad enough mood already.

She didn't deserve to live after making that comment.

So she wouldn't.

He strolled away from the body.

Would it be a good idea to talk to batman...?

Wow!

That was a stupid thing to think!

Of course it wouldn't.

That'd be the dumbest thing he could ever do.

All it'd get him is some broken bones and a bit of time in Arkham.

This had got him all turned around.

All confused.

He had heard Harley and Punch joking that him and batman would be the weirdest couple ever.

But that hadn't really taken it to mean anything.

They were crazy, what did it matter what they thought.

Although it had rattled him a little.

But he didn't know that the 'sane' people thought the same way.

Ah, here we go...

Wayne manor...

Why would one man need such a large house?

Maybe he was compensating for something.

He giggled.

As he had expected, the main building had a crazy amount of security.

But he hadn't expected to stay in the manor itself.

One of the detached store rooms on the other hand.

It had only one camera.

He covered it with some cloth and picked the lock.

He walked in to see hundreds of little T.V screens.

All displaying different areas of the manor and the grounds.

Looked like security H.Q.

Odd that it wasn't very well protected itself...

He sat on the swivel chair and looked at the screens.

Where was the guard who was supposed to be watching the place?

He scanned the screens till he found him.

Getting a cup of tea from the house?

But there was a kettle right here.

Weirdo.

Joker helped himself to a biscuit.

He watched the guard walk round the house and started towards the surveillance room.

Joker hid behind the door.

It opened and the guard sat down with a sigh, sipping his tea.

Joker silently closed the door, and stood facing the guard, gun out and loaded.

"Hello my dear, fat, friend..."

The guard turned and his mouth dropped open.

"Do you mind if I borrowed your clothes?"

The guard shook his head.

"Hmm, does that mean 'I don't mind' or 'no you can't'?

The guard mumbled something.

"Speak up man!"

He shot, and the bullet grazed the mans arm.

"I'll take them off." He cried.

He stated to pull his clothes off, handing them to Joker as he did.

"Thank you... Theo? What sort of a name is Theo? I'm going to call you Teddy, it suits you."

The guard was now in his boxers and vest.

Joker dressed himself in the guard uniform.

It was way to big for him.

The arms of the shirt and jacket where too short, and so baggy it looked as if he might trip on them.

He couldn't wear the trousers, they where also much too big.

So he gave them back to the guard.

Who, after putting them back on, scampered into the corner crying and whispering "shit, shit I'm gonna die."

"Oh shut up you stupid man! If I wanted to kill you I would have already! I would have taken your clothes off of your cold dead body!"

Joker handed him some tissues.

"Here, clean yourself up, and stop crying, you look like an idiot..."

Theo complied, dabbing his wound and his face with the tissues.

Joker locked the door and sat down on the chair, looking at the screens.

"God this is sooo boring..."

He switched to regular T.V and started switching channels.

He came to a stop on the news.

"Hey, look its something about me, finally!"

A slender black haired woman and a blonde man looked up from behind the channel 5 news desk.

"...The Joker made an appearance today, according to witnesses he was seen walking, in plain sight, but has now disappeared."

"Reports say that he murdered 2 people in the last 28 hours: one man in an apartment building last night, and one woman whilst out today – who apparently had made a comment questioning Jokers sexuality."

"Residents of Gotham, we remind you once again that the Joker is ARMED AND DANGOROSE."

Joker smiled, anyone who hadn't figured that out after god knows how many years of him _being _him wasn't smart enough to live.

"...Hah-hah, well, now, thanks to her, we all have questions about the Jokers sexuality, and if you think about it Joker being gay would make a lot of sense, but if I were you I wouldn't say it to his face, or you will end up like that woman..."

Joker turned the T.V off.

"Teddy? Does everyone think that?"

"I used to be the most feared man in Gotham, now I'm, well, a joke?... Well... It's O.k I suppose, I withstood that whole_ boner_ thing in the, what was it, 60s? 70s? Although Teddy I remind you that back then boner meant a bad joke."

"I rebounded from that and I can rebound from this."

He sighed.

"You're being rather quiet Teddy? You scared of me?"

...

Theo didn't answer.

"I'll take that as a yes"

Joker took another biscuit.

"...What you need is a really big scheme, something to make them so scared they wouldn't dare make fun of you again... Sir..."

Joker smiled "that's the first real thing you've said Teddy."

"And its not that bad of an idea."

He sipped some tea.

"Lets see... What to do..."

Then it hit him.

It was so obvious.


	4. A fight

Ok.

The explosives were in place.

Now all he needed was Bruce Wayne to come home.

Although he didn't know when that would be…

And no one seemed to know either.

Theo said he was away 'until further notice.'

Everyone knew Bruce liked to keep the details of his personal life a mystery.

Everyone always knew where he was, but never why, or for how long.

That woman… Rachel, was it?

He didn't really remember.

She said that her friend had gone away with him.

He had to assume that Bruce would come home close to when she did.

So he had no choice but to go and see Rachel again.

He'd snuck into the apartment building, there where a couple of police officers hanging around outside.

Probably a PR attempt, to show people they 'cared' about how many people Joker had killed.

He knew they didn't.

Why would they?

After all these years, murders had become the norm.

Though they should feel themselves privileged to be killed by one such as Joker.

He knocked on her door, and waited for it to open.

He wondered how this meeting would go.

Would he have to force an answer out of her?

He kind of hoped so…

The door was cautiously pulled open.

Joker stuck his foot out as to stop the door slamming shut when she realised who was there.

"Oh fuck its you, what? Have you come to kill the _rest_ of my cats?"

She didn't try to slam the door shut, instead she flung it open.

"No, no, my dear girl, no."

A wide smile appeared on his face.

"So you're gunna kill me then? _Well_ why wouldn't you? I _did _make an innocent joke about you and Batman, and I do suppose that'd be an appropriate response! From you anyway! I don't know what I was thinking…"

She shook her head and walked further into her apartment.

Joker laughed.

"Why do people always assume that I'm going to kill them?"

He cocked his head "…Although I suppose that is true most of the time…"

"All I want to do is ask you a few questions."

He ran and leapt onto the sofa, then gestured for her to sit next to him.

She sat, huddled in one corner of the sofa, while Joker splayed himself out over the rest of it.

"Ok… Ask away…" She whispered.

She was so scared.

Joker couldn't help but smile.

"That cats name, it's Isis isn't it?"

She nodded.

"Her owner's on holiday with Bruce Wayne isn't she?"

She nodded again.

"When does she get back?"

She pursed her lips.

"Answer me." Joker said patently, grin growing wider.

She still didn't answer.

"I said Answer me. You saw what I did to that doorman down stairs."

"Should be Monday…"

Joker giggled.

"See? That wasn't too hard was it? No harm done right?"

She sighed.

"I suppose you're going to kill me now you've got what you wanted."

He inhaled deeply.

"Maybe later."

He might need her later.

He left the apartment without saying another word.

It was so fun messing with these people.

Of course he was going to kill her.

Eventually.

But it was fun to make her think he might not.

So, Bruce would be back on Monday.

That gave him 2 days to enjoy living in a mansion.

…

…

He sliced into a piece of coffee cake.

Not his favourite cake, but he and Theo had eaten all the other nice food in the kitchen.

It was Monday evening.

Bruce would be back soon.

Although he didn't know when.

He didn't bother hiding, he might not get back till late, and he didn't want to have missed a day in a mansion.

He was eating the last of the coffee cake when he noticed the black silhouette of Batman dart across the front lawn.

And he cursed himself as his heart skipped a beat.

He couldn't help feeling confused, he hated that.

He tried to ignore it and he ran down the stairs to the front door.

He checked his reflection and opened the door.

"Oh Batman!"

He walked to where he had seen Batman only a minute before.

"I know you're there bat-face!"

He turned, looking for him.

"Batman I know you're there, don't you want to play? Like how I did with those children last weekend?"

He started laughing maniacally.

"Joker!"

Batman had jumped on Joker before he had even realised where he was.

Joker was pushed to the ground, Batman crouched over him.

"That was a little harsh bats, what happened to the normal 'hello, how are you?'"

Batman's reply was a punch in the face.

Joker laughed.

"Ok, ok I give. The manor's going to explode."

Joker shivered with laughter.

He received another punch for the comment.

Then Batman rammed Jokers head into the floor.

He felt dizzy.

"Now now, Batman, if I'm punch drunk how am I going to be able to tell you where the detonator is?"

Joker felt himself being lifted off the floor and pinned against a nearby tree.

"Joker I swear I will make you pay for what you've done this week!"

Joker bust into fits of laughter.

"Oh I like the sound of that. Just one question though? Why didn't you stop me?"

Batman grunted.

"Seriously! I've been out for 3 weeks, and you haven't poked your nose in once!"

"I've been busy" Batman grunted, still holding Joker by his collar.

"Oh boo, that's not an answer! What have you been doing?"

Batman pushed him harder against the wall "damn it Joker, I don't have time for this! Where's the detonator?"

Joker screwed up his face in thinking.

"Why do you want it so badly? It's not as if there's anyone in there."

He was pushed even harder against the tree.

"I know you've got a hostage!"

"Hmm... Oh! Do you mean teddy?"

Batman's face had gone red with frustration.

"Fine I'll tell you! Just stop making that face, you look weird..."

"...tell me where he is, and where the detonator is..."

Joker sighed, he felt himself being lowered slightly.

"Both are in the east wing lounge."

Joker felt a slight pain on his wrists.

He looked down and saw he had been ensnared by a pair of bat-cuffs.

Batman pulled Joker by his hair, across the lawn and into the mansion.

Jokers head was pounding.

Not enough to make him loose concentration, but more than enough to agitate him.

He was being pulled up some stairs.

Into the lounge.

Batman's grip on jokers hair loosened.

But before he could make a move he felt a fist strike his ribs.

He fell backwards and land in a heap on the floor.

In the chair in the centre of the room sat Theo.

He was unconscious.

"Joker what did you do to him!"

"Oh yes, that, I wouldn't have done it but he was just so annoying."

Batman positioned himself and lifted the man out of the chair.

They heard a click, in the chair Batman saw a pressure activated button.

His eyes grew wide with near terror, he let the guard slide to the floor.

"Oh, yeah probably should have mentioned that... It's on a ten second timer."

There was a sudden flurry of movement and the Joker was grabbed by Batman and they fell out of the window.

As they hit the floor there was a deafening bang, and half of the building exploded.

Joker sat up to see Batman crouching over Theo, trying to revive him.

Joker shrugged and lifted his restrained hands to the flower on his lapel, rubbing the chain against the acid laden ornament.

He stretched out his arms, relishing the ability to move, he pulled out a handgun that had been hidden in his jacket.

He sighed "...I do miss my tommy..."

His thought was interrupted by Batman yelling in anger "he's dead! He's dead, you bastard!"

Batman turned to pounce on Joker but stopped when he noticed the gun that was pointed at him.

"Batman why bother? He was going to die eventually anyway."

"You didn't have to kill him! You didn't have to kill any of the people you have done."

Joker giggled, sending a well aimed bullet through a gap in Batman's armour, into his knee.

He fell to the floor.

"Blah blah blah! I've heard it all before!"

Joker moved slightly closer to the bat.

"Joker I know you wont kill me."

He sat on the ground beside Batman.

Joker pressed the gun to Batman's shoulder, and planted 3 bullets into the vigilantes body.

Joker sighed.

"Not yet darling..."


	5. A good thing?

**I love this chapter! The last part of this chapter has slash, so hide your eyes children! I'm sorry but I had to try writing some...**

Batman came to.

The room was dark, the only light came from holes in the roof.

He tried to move.

But he was restrained somehow.

He gasped as pain erupted from his shoulder and knee.

"JOKER!"

He struggled.

Trying to get up.

He looked over to his feet.

They had been tethered to the floor.

So had his hands.

He peered round, squinting through the darkness.

Where was he?

"JOKER!"

Joker slipped into the room, turning on the light, revealing only a large grey room.

"Where am I Joker?"

His voice was oddly calm.

Joker sighed.

"A secret place."

Batman growled "You didn't answer my question."

"You didn't answer mine."

The captive man struggled, desperate to free himself.

"Hush... Calm down... Oh, by the way, I patched you up a bit, took the bullets out and what not. _I'm just that nice._"

Joker giggled as Batman struggled.

"I don't plan on killing you today, I may have to change my mind if you keep that up."

Batmans movement eventually stopped.

"As much as I would _love_ to hear that_ pop_ as I shot you in the head..." he shivered with ecstasy at the thought of it.

"... I've been having some rather confusing feelings towards you. I know it's weird, but I thought I should let you know that that's why I wasn't at the top of my game earlier."

Joker started pacing, not entirely sure what to say, or do, next.

"I was advised, by a now dead woman, to talk to you about it. You probably think I'm crazy for doing so, but that's because I _am_ crazy..."

Pacing faster now, not taking his eyes off of Batman.

"I thought It would be stupid to do as well, and I knew you would never agree to talk about it it, which is why I've had to restrain you."

Batman stared up at him angrily.

Joker, hand held to his head, sighed.

"Batman. You are the man I wish I could kill, I certainly try to! But... I'm not sure if I can. Not if I feel like this. I mean, I have a perfectly good opportunity here, now. But I can't kill you if you provide me with something... new... like this."

Joker inhaled deeply.

"I'm sorry."

Batmans face contorted in confusion.

"...What?"

Joker walked over to Batman and realised the restraints on his arms.

"I just wanted to tell you that. I'm not going to bother you untill I've figured this out... And I trust you to not bother me either. Then we can sort it out."

Joker stood back, having undone all the restraints.

"Please leave. I've said what I needed too."

He stood, waiting for Batman to either beat him up, or leave.

Batman slowly got to his feet

It must be a trap.

He examined himself, Joker seemed to have done quite a good job on his shoulder and knee.

He was extremely confused.

Joker had knocked him out and left him to die a thousand times before.

Could what he have said really be true?

"This can't be right Joker. Feelings like that don't just spring up on you like that..."

Joker smiled.

"We've been dancing this dance for decades."

"...Maybe you have something wrong with you. Something new, I mean."

Joker franticly shook his head.

"No, I'd have felt it."

Why would Joker lie about something as weird as this?

Joker found this convosation almost unbearable, having the current object of his affection standing infront of him.

"I told you to leave!"

He hurled a punch at Batman.

Batman dodged it gracefuly, then slowly left the room.

...

...

It had been almost a month since Batman and Joker had that confrontation.

Joker had attacked Gotham 6 times in the last 4 weeks

His attacks on the city had become more violent, more unpredictable.

He no longer waited for Batman to come to fight him, left no clues for the police.

Just killed as many people as he could in as many odd ways as he could think of, took anything of value or interest, then left.

It was getting out of hand.

Joker was normaly a lot to handle.

But now he wasn't doing it for Batmans attention he'd become too much.

Batman had talked to Alfred about it.

He had said that Batman should try to prove to Joker that those feelings weren't real.

But what was that sugesting?

That they sleep together?

Batman was sure he didn't _want_ to do that.

Night wings responce had been as expected.

'Who cares as long as he goes back to Arkham.'

And he hadn't told robin.

He didn't want him to know about this.

Batman sprung into action as soon as he heard a report saying that Joker had been seen walking into a popular jewllers.

He was determind to get there in time.

...

...

As the batmobile swerved round the final corner Batman saw nothing but bodies.

Policemen and civiliens.

Some of whom he knew personaly.

Dismembered and disembowled.

He searched the building, waded through the blood and guts.

There were large bullet holes in all the walls and almost all the jewllery cases were empty.

There was no sign of Joker.

He counted the bodys.

26 this time.

This was almost too much to bare.

It was all he could do to stop himself fainting.

He couldn't let this happen again.

But he couldn't put Joker back in Arkham.

He'd just get out again and again, killing more every time.

He sighed.

He couldn't beleive he'd have to do this.

Joker had pushed him into this.

Was that the trap?

He would have to go along with it.

It would save who knew how many lives.

But he didn't know where Joker was.

He had checked that weird place Joker had taken him to last time after his first attack and found nothing.

Must have moved almost as soon as Batman had left.

And he'd searched all Jokers old hideouts aswell.

Even the ones that had been partialy knocked down, or refurbished.

Just incase.

He'd interogated everyone who may know where is was, including several of Arkhams inmates, some of them hadn't even seen daylight in months, let alone the Joker.

Having almost given up hope he desided to follow the faint tire marks on the road.

He followed them for almost 10 miles before they completely dissapered.

He must be on the outskirts of the city.

Either that or he had just sent him on a wild goose chase, taking him away from the city centre.

...Wouldn't put it past him...

Batman had always known Joker was incredibly smart.

The past month proved that.

He'd managed to evade Batman at every turn.

And he wasn't sure if Joker was even trying...

...

By the time he got back to the batcave he was exausted.

He never did like driving the batmobile for very long.

Alfred was standing at the batcomputer when the armor clad man climbed out of his car.

"Sir! I think you should see this."

Bruce pulled off his cowl and walked to Alfreds side.

"It was on T.V just 5 minutes ago, I tried to call you. It's already all over the internet."

On the monumental screen was Joker.

He was slouched on a luxuriouse looking blue chair, infront of a plain grey wall.

"Batman, I know you'll see this even if you haven't got back to where ever it is you live yet. I have desided, and I'm afraid it's as we feared. It's getting worse every day."

He gave a small smile and giggled.

"Come to the last place we talked, so we can sort this out, and everything can get back to normal. Oh, and don't bring the police,_ I don't think they'd like to see this_."

Then the screen went black.

"Are you going to go sir?"

Bruce sighed.

"I have to..."

"Go where?" A voice apeared behind him.

"What was Joker talking about?"

Bruce turned to Robin.

"Damien... There are some things a boy shouldn't have to know about his father. This is one of them."

"Holy shit Batman... I'm not a child. If it's important tell me."

"It's not important, or relevant to you. And I told you not to use that sort of language."

Damien proceeded to storm off upstairs, presumably to the part of the manor that hadn't been distroyed.

Bruce slipped his mask back on.

"Try to make sure he doesn't find out what I'm doing."

"I'll try sir."

Batman started walking to the batmobile, head hung low, a lump in his throat, his stomach doing horrible backflips.

"Sir. You're doing the right thing."

Batman grunted in responce, then sped off.

...

...

Joker was still sitting slouched on the blue chair.

Batman stood by the door.

He didn't want to go near him untill he'd mentaly prepared himself.

"Bats are you going to stand there all day?"

Batman sighed and walked to Joker.

"Do you want to talk Batman? You look a little shaken up."

"Of course I'm shaken up, this is something I never thought I'd do."

Joker giggled.

"Oh its ok, I'll be gentle. We won't do too much this time ok?"

Joker stood up, and raised himself up slightly to kiss batman, but he backed off.

Joker exhaled, disappoited at being jilted like that.

"I never realised how tall you are bats." He whispered, trying to make batman relax. "I've never been this close to you without having to worry about where your fists are."

He lifted himself slightly onto his toes

So he was the same hight as batman

"I always thought I was taller than you."

Batman said nothing.

Just stared into Jokers eyes.

They looked different.

There was no anger in his eyes.

He looked rather happy.

Batman found this oddly calming.

Joker smiled as he placed a hand on Batmans waist.

That wasn't his normal smile either.

It seemed to be asking, rather than commanding him.

He let Joker continue.

Both Jokers hands where on him now.

Batman didn't want to do this.

But he knew he had to.

Jokers unbecoming gentle touch was, somehow, reassuring him that he was doing the right thing.

He leaned in and kissed Joker.

A long, slow, pasionate kiss.

It made him light headed, dizzy.

The same happened to Joker.

It was an amasing feeling.

Both where turned on just by that.

It made them want to continue.

It made batman _want_ to continue.

He pushed Joker over and pinned him to the floor.

Kissing, biting his lower lip.

Both groaning in pleasure.

Joker started unbuttoning his shirt.

Batman stopped kissing him, tore at the madmans shirt, determined to get it off.

Then unclipped his armour and tossed it aside.

They returned to their embrace, and continued kissing each other.

Suddenly Joker jumped up, out of Batmans grasp.

Batman looked up at him.

He'd started undoing his fly.

His trousers slid down slightly, Batman tugged them to the floor.

He then stood and started kissing him again.

Running his hands over Jokers chest and back.

His hands tracing the scars that covered him.

He progressed to taking off his own armoured trousers, aswell as his pants.

Kissing Joker franticly as he stroked Joker's bulge through his boxers.

Jokers movements became more violent as he did.

He slowly reached out and took hold of Batman, massaging his tip, running his hand slowly up and down his lenght.

Batman gasped and groaned as Joker moved faster, twisting his hand slightly as he gentley ceressed him.

Batman slid down Jokers boxers and started copying Jokers hand movements.

Bruce hadn't had very much experience doing this.

He was normally on the reseving end.

But whatever he was doing it was getting a massive responce from Joker.

Although it was hard for him to consentriat, Joker was kissing him violently, still tugging on him expertly.

He was enjoying this a great deal more than he expected he would.

He started shaking as Joker moved even faster, smile growing, he was starting to shake too.

Bruce was the first to go off, making a loud grunting noise and shuddering violently as he did.

Joker followed seconds later, busting into peals of quiet laughter, then sinking into his chair with a large smile on his face.

Batman sat beside him, that was brilliant, better than any that any girlfriend had given him, better than the few times he'd gotten drunk and ended up getting one from a random guy.

Though for Joker, it was a slightly different story, he had enjoyed it, sure, it was good.

Pleasurable.

But not _quite_ as good as he'd expected.

But then, he'd been dreaming about it for weeks, it was bound to not meet expectations.

Joker sighed.

"Do you want a cup of coffee, batsy? Theres a kitchen just through there, everythings already out."

Batman nodded and made his way into the kitchen, he felt so conflicted.

Why had he liked it so much?

"Would you like anything Joker?"

Joker giggled.

"Nah, I'm fine thanks, I promised Penguin I wouldn't eat too much while I was here."

He walked out of the kitchen, coffee in hand.

"This is Penguin's place?"

The madman grunted in approval, "He said I could have it for a bit, aslong as I didn't do anything too discusting."

"And you don't think of this as discusting?"

Joker chuckled, "oh whats a bit of spunk gunna do? He ment don't get blood and guts everywhere."

"I got that, I was Joking."

Joker started pulling his clothes back on, "A joke? How about this. The leader of a country was giving a speech about how you shouldn't negosiate with terrorists. In the middle of the speech a man ran in shouting 'I'm gunna kill you, you bastard!' The leader squeels 'No, don't shoot I'll do anything!'"

Joker started crowing with laughter, "then the guy shoots him anyway!"

He bent over laughing.

Batman just rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry but I've got to get going, I've got stuff to do."

Joker smiled, "I'll call you honey!"

He giggled as Batman dressed himself and walked out.


	6. A bad thing?

"So how did last night go master Bruce? ... Sparing the details of course..."

Alfred pulled open the curtains in a final effort to wake the sleeping man.

Bruce let out a loud yawn, stretching in his bed.

"It went rather well I guess."

Alfred gave a slight chuckle.

"I hope you didn't lose too much sleep over it sir."

Bruce slid his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up.

"I'll be down for breakfast in a minute."

Alfred gave a small bow and left Bruce to get dressed.

He walked down stairs wearing his favorite shirt, unreasonably happy considering what he'd done last night.

He'd gone to bed with a guilty smile on his face, and he'd had the best nights sleep he'd had in a while.

He mentally punched himself.

How dare he feel like this.

He'd done one of the things he promised himself he would never do, consorted with one of the people he morally hated.

The Joker...

That terrible person.

Who'd killed several of his friends.

For god's sake he'd killed Jason!

Bruce sat on the stairs.

How could he have done this?

He clenched his fists.

This wasn't right.

He sighed and slowly got back up.

What happened had happened, he'd had to do it.

...But he shouldn't have enjoyed it so much...

He tried to put his thoughts and feelings aside.

He walked into the kitchen, as the dining hall was one of the many rooms destroyed in the explosion.

He sat and started to eat the scrambled eggs and toast that Alfred had prepared for him.

He didn't eat much.

He didn't deserve to.

Damien stormed in, scowling at his father.

"You're disgusting. I can't believe you'd do that, with the Joker for fucks sake! I never want to talk to you again!"

He then left the room, slamming the door as he left.

Oh shit.

How did Damien know?

"Alfred!"

Bruce was furious.

"Sir?"

"I told you to keep an eye on Damien last night!"

Alfred looked thoroughly confused.

"I did sir, he didn't leave the house all night."

Bruce stood up.

"Then how does he know what happened?"

"I honestly don't know master Bruce. But getting angry isn't going to help."

Alfred walked to the door.

"The best way to find out how would be for me to ask him, sir?"

Bruce nodded "k."

Alfred gave another small bow and left to find the child, leaving Bruce to angrily eat the rest of his food.

This didn't reasure him about his actions last night.

A few minutes later Alfred walked back in.

"I'm afraid it's not good news sir..."

Bruce held his head in his hands.

"How did he find out?"

Alfred sighed.

"The same way millions of other people have found out sir."

"What!"

"It's on the Internet sir... Search 'Joker and Batman ;P' and its the first thing that comes up."

Bruce felt sick.

This was the worst thing that ever could have happened.

How did this happen?

"I want to see it."

Alfred looked shocked "sir?"

"I should be able to trace who uploaded it."

Alfred's face turned from shocked to confused.

"I'd have thought it'd be obvious sir?"

Bruce laughed slightly.

"What? Joker? I don't think so. It's got him in it too, I don't think he'd risk his own image just to get at me."

Alfred smiled, "I'll get it up on the batcomputer, on one of the smaller screens." His voice heavy with sarcasm.

Bruce nodded, "I'll be down in a bit... Just... Don't watch it Alfred... Please."

"I wouldn't dream of it sir." He said, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice now.

Bruce left the kitchen, he thought it would be best to talk to Damien.

He knocked on his sons door.

"Go away!"

"Damien...?"

"GO AWAY!"

Bruce opened the door anyway.

A shoe was thrown at his face.

He ducked out the way.

"That's enough!"

He stood his ground.

"I know you're upset but that's no reason to get violent! I am your father!"

Damien was sitting on his bed, watching the T.V on his computer.

"I wouldn't have been so upset if you'd told me." He growled angrily, refusing to even look at his father.

He clicked a button on the computer and the screen went black.

"But no! I had to find out from a link one of my friends sent me, and I didn't know what it was when I clicked it, so I was in total shock when I saw it. My father! Batman! Is gay. And even worse, the guy he's doing it with is Joker!"

Bruce sighed in exasperation.

"I'm not gay Damien."

Damien laughed mockingly.

"Well for a 'not gay' person you sure seem to be enjoying yourself there!"

Bruce sighed again.

"I had to do it, I'm not gay, Joker forced me into it, he was threatening to kill... everyone."

The boy started fiddling with a rubber band he'd had round his wrist.

"He always does that."

Bruce walked a little closer to Damien.

"But before I've been able to control him. I couldn't this time."

He put his hand on his sons shoulder.

"I'm sorry you had to find out about it like that. I'm sorry you had to find out about it at all."

Damien looked his father in the eyes for the first time in this conversation.

"I can see what you meant about not wanting to know about it."

He and Bruce giggled nervously, then Bruce left to try to find out who had done this.

...

"This does seem rather peculiar master Bruce..."

He was looking at the screen: Batman at one end of the room, Joker at the other, on his blue chair.

"Look at the camera angle. It's definitely not a handheld - pointing through the window or anything like that. It doesn't look like security footage. If anything, it looks like one of those 'nanny cam' devices."

In the left corner of the room...

"I do remember there being some holes in the wall. maybe it was hidden there..? Maybe it was Joker after all."

That bastard.

He felt betrayed.

Hah.

He couldn't believe he actually felt betrayed.

It would make sense if it was Joker.

"Can you leave, Alfred? I'd like to find out exactly where this is being streamed from."

Alfred grunted, "yes, and I don't really want to watch it..."

He walked back up the stairs, presumably to make dinner.

Bruce waited till he heard the door close before playing the video.

He watched it a couple of times through, trying to focus on Jokers face.

It was hard to concentrate though... He couldn't help but get a little turned on watching it.

He couldn't see any malice in Jokers eyes.

No sly looks.

He seemed to be truly enjoying himself.

Joker was a good actor.

But he'd never got the hang of hiding his overall intent.

His eyes normally gave him away.

He had such expressive eyes...

Massive dark green eyes.

That seemed to stare into your soul...

Bruce shook his head.

Concentrate.

Those feelings wouldn't help him, not if Joker was in fact the one who posted this.

The user name by the video was Kufudenmapa which really didn't help him guess whether it was him or not.

"...I guess the only way to know is to ask..."

...

He waited for darkness.

And dressed himself as Batman.

He went straight to their new meeting place.

"Hey, I thought you might drop in unannounced tonight. I bet you've seen our latest Internet appearance?"

Batman nodded.

"Was it you?"

"No, come on bats... Sweetie, you know me, that's... not how I do things."

Joker strode over to Batman and kissed him.

He started touching Batman in that gentle, calming way he had done before.

"Joker... Don't..."

He kissed him again "why not...?"

Batman pushed him back a little.

"We might be filmed again."

Joker smirked "then we'll just go someplace else, you must know somewhere safe."

Joker moved closer, his hands rubbing gently on Batman's hips.

Batman could feel himself giving in.

"No! Stop it."

He pushed Joker back again, this time more forcefully.

"What we did, it's had too much of an affect on my personal life for me to willingly continue."

Joker crossed him arms, jilted again.

"Hmm... What if I said, if we did it again... I could get rid of the video?"

"Really...?"

He laughed, "Yeah, I'm a brilliant hacker!"

Joker rushed to Batman and whispered in his ear.

"Oh come on batsy please, don't make me beg now..."

Batman pushed him back again, this time pushing him so hard he almost fell over.

"I could get rid of the video myself."

Joker scoffed, "then why didn't you already?"

"I needed to trace the signal, to find out who uploaded it."

Joker walked back to Batman, a very large smile painted on his face.

"I know who it was..."

"What? Who?"

Joker giggled, "I'm not gunna say... Yet... Now do you know a place we could go or not?"

Batman didn't push back this time.

"Blackmail?"

Joker nodded, grinning from ear to ear, moving closer and touching Batman's hips again.

"And if I'm not right, I'll help you find out who it really was."

This was probably the easiest way to get Joker to tell him, he'd not provoked him enough to warrant a beating.

But...

He didn't want to...

He tried to stay strong, but there was something about this man.

Something in his eyes.

That made Batman feel... good...

He tried to resist but found himself leaning in to kiss him.

That amazing feeling washed over him.

The same feeling he'd felt the night before.

Lightheaded, dizzy.

And odd feeling of warmth... happiness?

"...I know a place."

He took Joker by the hand and pulled him down the road, towards the hideout of a man he'd put in prison a couple of weeks ago.

So he knew it'd be empty.

...

...

Joker sighed contently.

They where both now sitting in a brightly coloured room, almost completely naked, hot mugs of tea in their hands.

"I think Penguin's the one who filmed us."

Batman looked at him, confused, as if asking him to continue.

"Oh come on bats! Penguin owns that place, I didn't know that camera was there, so if I didn't put it there who else could have?"

"I guess... I just thought that would seem a little too obvious."

Joker laughed, "well, look for the obvious solution first, then spread out to the less obvious ones."

Batman nodded.

He could have figured that out himself

He was slightly angry that he was with Joker again.

Given in to his urges.

He'd spent so long trying to keep them in check.

He would have beaten Joker up for tricking him, but he hadn't really tricked him.

Batman had let this happen.

He'd subconsciously wanted this to happen.

"Where is Penguin now then?"

"Last I heard he was going out pursuing Catwoman again..."

Batman laughed slightly, "Yeah, that'll happen, she hates him!"

"...Yeah and she fancies you."

Batman smiled.

"..Yeah..."

He stood and started gathering up his clothes.

Joker stared up at him.

"Where are you going?... To try to find him? Why? The damage is already done batsy."

Batman started pulling his suit on, "I should find him anyway."

Joker nodded happily, "Have you actually watched the video anyway?"

Batman nodded.

"Don't we look good together bats? Did you see my comment?"

"What comment?"

Joker looked away in an effort to remember it, "something along the lines of 'wow we look so good together, can't wait till we next meet up.' I'd have thought you'd seen it?"

Batman exhaled angrily, "no I didn't read any of them, I can't believe you left a comment..."

Joker gave into his laughter and fell back, onto the floor, "oh you can't believe the bad man- murderer- insane asylum escapee did something you don't approve of? You make me laugh!... Oh and if you didn't like that, them I'm glad you didn't read the comments, they where all along the same lines as that, some where worse, or just plain rude!"

Batman grunted.

It was true, he shouldn't expect Joker to act in a way he would approve.

He couldn't really believe he had, kind of, expected him to.

"Can you just get rid of the video? I'm gunna find Penguin anyway, give him a bit of a talking to."

Joker sat back up and watched Batman leave the room, "here, same time tomorrow then bats."

"Yeah."

...

Batman had scoured the city and been unable to find Penguin, so he'd decided to look for Catwoman instead, maybe she had heard something of him.

He'd prepared himself for her angry jibes about the video.

She scowled at him.

...God she looked pissed...

"Hi Batman, out from the Jokers clutches are you? Not that you minded being in them."

Yep there we go... first thing she said...

"Hello Selina..."

"Did you come to tell me you're breaking up this weird little relationship we're having? And tell me why?"

"No. I've not come to do that, firstly I've come to tell you I'm sorry about what happened with Joker, I was pushed into it."

She scoffed, and gave a small nod, "you didn't look very unhappy about it in the video, in fact you seemed to be the driving force."

Batman looked down ashamedly, "... I enjoyed it at the time..." He mumbled.

Catwoman looked as if she might throw up, "You're disgusting... After all the things he's done?"

"I know... I need to find Penguin. Do you know where I might find him?"

She laughed mockingly, "I'm not gunna tell you! Not now."

Bruce grunted, "and I guess there's no way I'll be able to persuade you?"

She shook her head angrily.

"... I spent a week with you, last month... Sleeping in the same bed as you... Then I hear nothing from you for ages... Then I see that? Bruce? And you come to talk to me, and its not even about anything important? Of course you won't be able to persuade me!"

Batman glared at her, "This is important..."

And with that he left.

...

...

He'd spent the rest of the night reading the comments people had left on the video of him and Joker, he also sent several e-mails to Selina trying to explain what had happened.

Joker was right about the comments.

Each one made him feel worse about himself.

He even found one written in, what he thought was, Damien's writing style.

'How could Batman do that, he's supposed to keep criminals away from us, not fuck them!'

It was timed 10:37am.

Before they had talked.

Even so it made him feel terrible.

He hardly slept that night.

He kept waking up feeling sick... ...

Joker on the other hand.

He couldn't have slept better.

When he'd gone to hack the video he'd found that it had spread.

It had spread to many other sites, and been uploaded by many different users.

There was even some remix versions...

It'd only been, what?

28 hours?

It would be impossible to take them all down.

Joker giggled to himself.

Batman was going to be sooo pissed!

He sat down with a nice cup of hot chocolate, with whipped cream and marshmallows, and watched some of the funnier remix versions.

He fell asleep at the computer.


	7. A decision

Nothing of note happened that next day.

Bruce didn't dare tell anyone that he had spent another night with Joker.

He sent a few more e-mails to Selina.

He reluctantly decided to tell her about the second time with Joker.

He didn't want to lie to her.

He got one reply.

Joker had a rather relaxing day.

Happily eating cake and watching T.V.

Calmly waiting for Batman to show up.

It was around 8 when there was a knock at the door.

"Batman! Honey bun! How you doing? ... Listen I have a little bit of bad news... The video has multiplied, and I can't take them all down."

Batman grunted.

"I have some bad news for you too Joker."

Joker stared up at him, looking confused.

"As ... Enjoyable... As the last two nights with you have been..."

"You can't willingly continue? You said that last night too remember?"

Joker chuckled at Batmans failed attempt at an excuse.

"No. Well yes but. I'm not going to lie to you; I'm in a relationship, with a woman-"

Joker rolled his eyes, "so?"

"-She knows about both times... She gave me an ultimatum, either you or her. I picked her. I can't risk a perfectly good relationship because of one of your stupid games."

Jokers face knotted in frustration.

This wasn't a stupid game to him.

"So you're picking Catwoman over me?"

"I didn't say it was Catwoman."

"Oh come on, don't play me for a fool."

Batman walked towards the door, he had planned to just tell him that then leave.

As he walked to the door he felt a large, heavy object hit his back.

He sighed.

He wasn't going to fight him.

He decided the best way to deal with Jokers undeserved anger was to ignore it.

He left to find Catwoman, and tell her what had happened.

On his way he couldn't help but feel a little guilty for leaving Joker like that.

He had probably expected for Batman to come over, have a nice time, drink some tea?

Instead he was told he'd never see Batman like that again.

Batman felt no emotional attachment to him, but the carnal relationship had been good.

Batman had been able to sleep more easily, despite the guilt that had plagued him about it.

And Joker had seemed less inhuman.

He hadn't killed, or threatened anyone in days.

"Batman, good to see you. I trust you did what I asked?"

Bruce smiled at the sight of Catwoman.

She looked so beautiful...

"If I hadn't I wouldn't have come here."

Selina rushed over and hugged him.

"Purrrfect. I knew you'd do the right thing."

Bruce leaned over to kiss her.

"Not like I'd ever pick him anyway."

She kissed him back.

"I know. I've missed you."

Batman nodded.

"I know, I'm sorry, I've just been so busy."

She grunted happily, still kissing him.

"God, I would be so angry at you, if you weren't so handsome, and cute, and charming..."

She'd started touching his hips and back.

Batman smiled happily, kissing and touching her in return.

...But he didn't get that calming feeling he got when with the Joker...

Catwoman started caressing him in her normal way, which usually worked well.

But this time it didn't seem to be affecting him as much.

He tried to respond as normal.

...

...

Joker paced the floor.

He felt his head was going to explode from anger and stress.

He couldn't believe Batman had left him like that.

Left him for that cat-bitch.

If anyone was going to end this it would be him.

The best way to get him back, would be to get rid of the girl...?

He started laughing as it dawned on him.

Surely the best way to get to a girl would be to attack her best friend?

And to who else would you trust the safety of your favourite pet?

He rushed off to talk to this friend.

...

He sat on the sofa with a cup of tea, stroking the cats and waiting for Rachel to come home.

He leapt up as the door opened.

"Hello Rocky. How've you been?"

She jumped back in surprise.

"Oh my god, you again?"

He nodded happily.

"Rocky, is one of your friends called Selina Kyle?"

She persed her lips.

"Can you tell me where she lives?"

She shook her head

Joker sighed.

He walked over to her.

She didn't try to run.

She knew there was no point.

"I've been nice so to you so far..."

He took her by the arm, and twisted it as to make her fall over.

She stayed on the floor.

She didn't dare move.

"... But I'm in a bad mood today..."

He pulled a ball of string from his pocket and started tying her hands.

He pulled out a large knife.

"... So..."

He started to move the knife up and down in front of her threateningly.

"... Are you going to co-operate Rocky?"

She shook her head franticly.

"I won't tell you."

He tutted and moved the knife to her lower leg.

In one small motion he sliced through her tricep.

Though he was careful not to cut any major arteries.

He needed her alive.

She screamed in pain.

"Hush hush, you little baby. It's ok, you won't die yet."

He gagged her to stop her annoying crying.

And lifted her over his shoulder.

"Holy hell, you're heavy. Couldn't you eat a salad once in a while?"

He roared with laughter as he stumbled out of the apartment.

Hmm...

He had a long way to go.

And this girl was _really _heavy...

Maybe he should find a trolley and push her there...?

Hahah...

...

Everything was ready.

Girl tied up from an amazing height?

Check!

Explosions?

Check!

Guns?

Check!

Bed of large nails?

Check!

Colourful streamers?

Check!

Yup.

All ready.

Now all he needed was for cat-whore and bat-bitch to get here.

And with one click of a button they would come.

He clicked said button.

And he heard a distant bang.

Now there would be a massive fire blazing in downtown Gotham.

When the flames were seen from above they would read, 'Is your name Catwoman? Are you currently fucking Batman? Then stop and come on down to mine and your boyfriend's favourite place! Or else! Yours, Joker. Hahahahahahahahahah!'

He had contemplated whether or not to put the 'Hahahahahahahahahah!' at the end, as it might make the message too long.

He'd eventually decided to keep in the written laughter.

To make it a little bit more personal.

Now all he had to do was wait.

"You've seen the internet video with me and Batman, right?" he yelled up at Rachel.

She had been tied up to the ceiling.

Suspended over the bed of oddly large nails.

She nodded.

Joker had removed the gag from her mouth before he strung her up, so he had been expecting an answer.

"Did you like it? Turn you on did it?"

Again he got no answer.

"Uhuh... It's your fault you know. Your fault that happened. Your fault you're going to die like this, and your friend, hopefully."

She started sobbing.

"You... don't have to kill me...!"

Joker sniggered.

"Why do people always say that...? Why try to reason with me? You 'know all my little tricks' remember! You should know that shit won't fly with me!"

He chuckled to himself as he walked and sat in his blue chair.

There was a massive thud at the door.

Someone was trying to get in.

"Who is it...?" Joker sang.

There was another thud.

Then silence.

Whoever it was had realised they couldn't break through the door.

And there were no other ways to get in.

"If you tell me who you are, I'll let you in. Mummy told me to never let in strangers!"

"It's me Joker!"

Joker shook his head mockingly.

"I'm sorry I don't know anyone called Me."

Another thud at the door.

"It's Batman! And Catwoman. Now open the door!"

"Ohhhh, batsy! Baby! Do you want me to let you in?"

"Yes!" Batman yelled angrily.

Joker smiled.

"Now that's a word I like to hear..."

He pressed another button.

It triggered a set of explosives round the door, blowing it off its hinges.

The door fell to the floor.

As it fell it pulled a string.

Which pulled apart the knot that held Rachel to the ceiling.

She plummeted toward the floor.

Batman jumped to try to catch her.

He missed by inches.

And she fell with a crunch, onto the nails.

Her blood spilled over the floor.

Catwoman screamed in anguish as she realised who had just been killed.

She threw herself at Joker.

Punching, clawing, kicking him.

Shouting at the top of her voice "You bastard! I'll Fucking kill you!"

Joker, laughing his head off, accepting the beatings.

Batman started towards him.

Suddenly Joker, seeing Batman coming for him, grabbed one of Catwomans arms.

In a sudden twisting, jerking move, he spun her round so she was facing Batman.

He pulled a gun, and held it to her head, still twisting her arm, to the point of it almost breaking.

"Joker pl-"

"Batman don't even try."

Joker smiled over at Batman.

"Does she really mean that much to you bats?"

He didn't reply.

"You knew that I'd do something to get back at you. And what better way to get back at you? Killing people, it's what I do best, and it's what you hate most."

Batmans gaze switched from Joker to Selina.

"You know, there is a way you can convince me not to kill her..."

Batmans gaze moved back to Joker.

"What...?" He growled.

"Kiss me. Properly. Then tell me, truthfully, that kissing me isn't as good as kissing her."

Batman didn't answer, or move.

He just stood.

A blank look on his face.

As if fighting a war with his himself in his head.

He then slowly started walking towards Joker.

Joker straightened up, preparing himself.

"No. Don't Batman, don't!" Catwoman yelled.

Joker pulled harder on her arm.

She screamed in pain as it started to fracture.

"Joker, Don't!" Batman called.

Joker laughed.

"Then do it Batman! Kiss me! I dare you!"

He threw Selina to the floor, her arm now broken.

The gun was still pointed at her.

Batman rushed up to him, determined to save Selina from more pain.

He forced his lips upon Jokers.

That wonderful feeling washed over him.

Yet again.

He tried to control himself.

But he couldn't help it.

He continued kissing him.

Much longer than he should have.

Before he finally broke off.

He felt dizzy and light headed again.

He let out a happy sigh by accident.

Catwoman stared up at Batman, shocked.

Joker smiled at Batman.

"So...? Better or worse?"

Batman looked over to Selina.

"Nah-ah Batman... I don't want you getting hints from your girly-friend. Tell me what you _really _think."

He sighed.

"Better..."

Joker burst out laughing, "oh my god! I cannot believe you said that!"

He almost choked from laughing.

"You know what? I think I'm going to shoot her anyway."

Bang!

Batman ran forwards towards Catwoman.

Joker started laughing again.

"Blanks!" He managed to say through his laughter.

Batman turned and punched Joker.

So hard he flew backwards onto the floor.

"Woo, batsy that was a hell of a punch, I'm going to feel that for weeks..."

He got to his feet, ready for a fight with Batman.

Only to find himself alone.

"Damn... Just when I thought things were getting interesting..."

He walked over to the left corner of the room.

Howling with laughter.

Looking straight into the small hole in the wall, directly at the camera.

"Did you get that Pengi? That'll get you a hell of a lot of views!"


	8. A prisoner

He placed Catwoman in the passenger seat.

He had to get her to the batcave.

Her arm looked horrible.

It was broken so badly, the bone had come through her skin a little.

It was bleeding terribly...

He wrapped a length of fabric around her arm in an attempt to stop it.

She moaned in pain.

"It's ok Selina, honey, I'll fix it."

He leaped into the seat beside her and sped off to the bat-cave.

"Alfred!" He shouted into the intercom.

"Get the medical supplies out. Now!"

"Yes sir"

He couldn't believe this had happened.

He had let this happen.

He shouldn't have broken it off with Joker.

Hundreds of people had died in the downtown fires.

Selina's arm was broken.

And her best friend was dead.

Bruce hadn't even known her name.

He parked the bat-mobile and gently lifted Catwoman out of her seat.

And placed her on the bed that Alfred had brought in.

He checked her arm for any other damage.

"Ok, Selina, this is going to hurt, a lot. I've got to set the bone ok?"

She nodded, already crying.

Bruce took her arm and pulled until the bone was back in place.

She screamed in pain.

"It's ok, it's ok it's done."

He started cleaning the massive wound.

"I'm sorry Bruce... this is all my fault..." She sobbed

"How's it your fault?"

She wiped the tears from her face.

"If I hadn't made you break up with him then none of this would have happened. And Rachel would still be alive."

"You can't blame yourself. He's the person who fucking did it."

She looked up at Batman, wincing as he wrapped her arm in bandages.

"You blame yourself for what he's done. Why can't I blame myself too?"

Batman sighed.

"I have a right to blame myself. I created him..."

She looked away.

"I can't believe Rachel's dead... She's been my best friend for... ever."

Bruce finished tying the bandages, and put her arm up in a sling.

Alfred walked in, holding two cups of scolding hot tea.

"How bad is it sir?"

"Better now I've set the bone... Though Selina you're going to have to not move your arm for about 6 weeks."

Bruce sipped his tea.

"Sir what are you going to do about Joker?"

"I've got to put him back in Arkham I guess. I should have done that in the first place..."

Selina scoffed at him.

"Why bother? He'll just get out again..."

"I know, but that's all I can do."

"Can't you just talk to him? You've never actually done that. You just find him, beat him up and put him in prison."

Bruce chuckled at the thought.

"You can't talk to Joker."

"That's what he thought about you, so he knocked you out and tied you up so he could talk to you."

"Even if I did, what would I talk to him about?"

Damien ran down the stairs.

Stopping by his father.

An alarmed and disgusted look on his face again.

"Dad, that user, who uploaded the video... of you and Joker. He's uploaded another video with you in, please tell me you didn't do it again..."

Bruce looked over at Selina and Alfred, slightly alarmed.

"No I didn't. Get it up on the Bat-computer."

The child walked hesitantly over to the computer, and started typing in the web address.

The video appeared on screen.

Damien hit play and then turned away from the screen, in case it was another video of Batman and Joker together.

But it wasn't.

It was of the fight Batman and Joker had had only half an hour ago.

They watched it through.

Silent apart from a couple of disgusted grunts from Damian and Alfred when Batman kissed Joker.

"Why did you kiss him? Why didn't you just throw a batarang at him?"

Bruce had his head in his hands.

"I didn't want to risk Selina getting shot."

"But he shot her anyway, so what was the point."

He sighed.

"Can we just leave it please, I was doing what I thought was best at the time."

Selina sat up, re-adjusting her arm.

"So Joker definitely thinks penguin did it?"

"Seems so." Bruce was relieved by the change of subject.

"But I don't see what we can do about him now, the damage is done now, and he won't learn anything if I do find him."

Selina laughed, "this whole thing with Joker's changed you Bruce, time was you wouldn't hesitate to go and teach penguin a lesson."

Bruce sighed.

"I suppose, but it just doesn't seem the right thing to do at the moment, I mean; if the press found out I beat a man up just because he made me look bad they'd have a field day. With this whole Joker thing their already saying I'm as mad as him, if I beat Penguin up for almost no reason they'll have everyone believing that..."

"So are you going to find Joker and try to talk to him?"

Bruce nodded, he'd already started collecting his gear.

"Yeah, I might as well try..."

Damian laughed mockingly, "You're going to talk to him? You expect him to just sit there and listen?"

"No, I'm going to have to make him listen."

...

Joker was sitting on his blue chair with a laptop on his lap, chatting online to Penguin.

Penguin had just uploaded the video.

'R u gunna jus sit an w8 4 Batman?'

'Yh y not? it'l be funny!'

'Jus seems a bit stupid, u'l jus gt put bk in Arkham.'

'I dont rlly care, but itl be nice to hv a bit of a fight.'

'K bt jus dont kill him in my house, I dnt need the bad publicity.'

'Yh yh, I no the rent agreement Hahah.'

God talking to him was boring.

With him it was always about money or publicity in the end.

Never about the chase.

Never about fun.

And if he did find something funny there was his laugh.

His horrible, horrible laugh.

It sounded like someone hitting a seal in the face with a spade.

Not at all amusing.

Joker sighed.

Batman would come after seeing the video posted online.

Just like he did last time.

But in the mean time he should clean this place up.

Blood was still all over the floor.

...

He was going to have to knock him unconscious and tie him up.

Maybe even gag him if he wouldn't shut up.

What do you say to a man who can't reply?

What do you say to a maniac like Joker?

He suddenly realised he didn't have a clue.

No idea what to say at all, not even a template.

He'd have to make it up as he went along.

He parked the bat-mobile and walked to the rundown bungalow style house.

It was still missing its door so he was able to enter easily.

And silently.

He hugged the wall.

The large first room wasn't very well lit, so it was easy to stay in the shadows.

He watched Joker cleaning, bathed in the dim light of the open laptop.

Whistling and humming to himself.

Bruce sighed quietly as he watched him.

He tried to clear his mind.

He leaped from the darkness, delivering a sharp, hard blow to he base of Jokers skull.

And Joker fell to the floor.

...

He came to.

The room was dark, the only light came from holes in the roof.

He tried to move.

But he was restrained somehow.

He'd been tied to the floor.

"Damn it..."

He looked around.

He could make out the shape of Batman sitting, rigid on the blue chair.

"... Batman, baby, why have you tied me up?... And taken my clothes?"

Batman's glowing eyes stared at him through the darkness.

"I've blotted out the camera, and destroyed the microphones too, just so you know, so you and Penguin won't be able to upload this."

Joker chuckled.

He shrugged slightly, tugging gently at the ropes to see if they had any give.

Batman smirked.

"That's not going to work."

"Fine, I'll co-operate. But I told you I didn't upload it and it's true, I didn't know anything about the first one, but the second one was my idea, I just wanted to get you back here, and it worked didn't it?"

Batman stared down at Jokers limp body.

"But why? Why did you want me back here, Joker it's been decades and I hardly know anything about how your mind works, I don't know anything about you at all really. I didn't even notice you had that dragon tatoo on your back till the last time we... were together."

Batman shifted in his seat.

"You were right, you can't know anything about someone if you're always worried about where their fists are."

"So what? You wanna get to know me now then? What happened to 'I can't willingly continue'?"

"I can't, but if you're forcing me to, by threatening innocent peoples lives, I have no choice."

Joker chuckled again, slightly louder this time.

"Well, not once have I actually threatened anyone. But you knew last time you... Broke up with me, that I'd get pissed and kill a bunch of people, whats to stop you doing it again?"

"I've... Umm... Been given orders... Permission."

Joker sighed.

"So you're here because your girlfriend told you to come?"

Batman made an assertive grunting noise.

"She doesn't want anyone else to get hurt, so I'm doing this for her."

Joker started struggling, "let me free, Batman!"

Batman stood up, "I will, when I know you won't leave."

Joker let out a slight growl.

"You're going to keep me captive? Why not just send me back to Arkham?"

"You're being too unpredictable at the moment, I don't trust you with them while you're like this."

Joker giggled.

"What are you afraid they'll loose me?"

"Yes, or that you'll 'get pissed and kill a bunch of people' I think I've learned a lesson from earlier."

Joker tossed, still trying to loosen the ropes that snaked round his wrists and hands.

"How about you don't let me go, just make the ropes longer so I can sit up? Laying like this is really hurting my back."

"I suppose, but no... Funny stuff."

Joker started laughing.

"And you cannot have your clothes back."

"Ahh please...? I'm getting cold."

Batman slowly shook his head, "no, I know what sort of crazy stuff you have in those pockets."

Joker giggled again, "oh really? 'Coz I'm not even sure any more, I lost track years ago."

"Amongst the rubbish I have already found a lump of C4, a pack of batteries and some really questionable meats."

Joker rolled his eyes, "yeah, Harley used to put sarnies in my pockets for me to eat when I went out, but I hardly ever ate them."

Joker watched as Batman pulled the fridge/freezer from the kitchen and blocked the front door.

"Honey, you take the fun out of everything. Now how am I supposed to escape?"

Batman chose to disregard that comment.

He walked over to Joker.

He checked Jokers hands, making sure there was no way he could free himself, the rope was tied so heavily Joker could barely move his fingers.

He released one of the ropes from the floor, tying it to a longer one.

He repeated this with the other 3 ropes.

Joker now had enough room to sit, possibly stand.

"Understand that this is a goodwill gesture Joker."

Joker sat up, giggling, "yes, and I'm sure I'll be getting a lot more of them from you wont I babes?"

Batman grunted angrily.

"Joker, this isn't going to be some kind of... sex holiday for you. This is so I can figure out what your intentions are, and work out whatever the hell this is."

Joker giggled again, "Fine, fine, sure, you becha. You say that now but just wait till I show you my best moves, you'll be up for anything."

Batman tried to stay calm, he wasn't going to get riled up by him.

"Do do you want some tea or coffee Joker? I don't want you to feel neglected."

The clown let out another suggestive giggle, "Oh there are lots of ways you can keep me happy, baby."

Batman walked to the kitchen, keeping an eye on the madman.

"Ok, tea. Do you want biscuits too?"

"Oh I want lots of things from you, honey"

Why was he doing this?

Making all these cheap innuendos.

Batman didn't reply, and walked back to Joker with some sweet tea and custard creams.

"Here you go."

Joker struggled to hold one of the biscuits.

He kept almost dropping it.

"Should I help you with that? You seem to be having some trouble."

"Oh there are lots of things you can help me with, darling."

Batman grunted, "Joker are you trying to get me to hit you?"

Joker chuckled, "if that's what you're into, my little bat."

"Is that what you're into? Do you want me to hit you 'coz you get some sort of sick thrill from pain?"

"Heheh, I don't know a single person that doesn't get some sort of thrill out of pain. Causing it, receiving it, either one."

"That's disgusting."

Joker turned to face Batman, half a biscuit sticking out of his mouth.

"I know you get a kick from being with me."

Batman's face contorted, "no I don't."

Joker laughed, "yes you do, I could feel it when I touched you."

He mimed holding Batman's hips.

"No I don't Joker."

Joker started running his hands up and down Batman's imaginary torso.

"Well what about when I kissed you earlier? You can't say you didn't feel something from that? I saw how you reacted, and in front of your girlfriend."

"Joker stop this. Stop that."

Joker smirked, "what? You mean this:" he started running his hand over the imaginary torso more slowly, started thrusting slightly, he looked away from Batman, biting his lip slightly, looking down at the non existent Batman in front of him, he started giggling.

"Stop it!

"It was about here:" he made a large, slow thrusting motion into the imagined Batman, "you started quaking, moaning."

Joker let out a loud, lustful noise, "like that. God doesn't it turn you on just thinking about it."

He let out a happy grunt, a smile tearing across his face.

"Joker stop it!"

Joker giggled, thrusting harder and faster, "nope, don't want to, this is just too good. Don't you agree Batsy?"

"I've already admitted that kissing you is better than kissing Catwoman, isn't that enough? Now stop it!"

Joker looked over at Batman, his face split by his smile, "would you say I'm a better fuck than her?"

"Joker no, I not doing this."

"Then I'm not going to stop." He continued thrusting and running his hands over the air Batman, "I can do it all day, and night, I can even do it whilst drinking my tea."

He picked up his tea and continued thrusting while drinking it, spilling some on himself as he did so.

Batman couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at seeing this, Joker smiled at him, "see? Not so bad am I? Could I have a towel, or something?"

Batman picked up Jokers shirt, which had been thrown on the floor, and mopped up the tea spilt down Jokers front.

"Damn that's my favorite shirt. I'll be sending you the bill Batsy."

Joker placed the now empty cup of tea on the floor, "I'm bored. Whadda you wanna talk about?"

"I don't know. What happened to doing that all day and night?"

"I could continue if you want?"

Batman shook his head, "please don't..."

Joker chuckled, "what would you rather be? A giraffe or a dolphin?"

"Why are you asking stupid questions?"

"Giraffe or dolphin?"

"Dolphin."

Joker smiled, "yeah me too. See how alike we are?"

"We're not alike Joker. Maybe in tiny aspects we're similar but we're completely different overall."

"Yeah but a lot of tiny things add up to one massive thing. We're almost the same person, I bet you'd kill your mum for a slice of cheese."

"Shut up Joker!" Batman threw a punch at Jokers head, knocking him forward, the ropes were the only thing making sure he didn't fly across the room.

"Oh, beating your prisoners now are you? Hmm, it seems I hit a nerve with that mother crack. Why? Did you kill her for a slice of cheese?"

Batman sat back on the sofa, refusing to talk to Joker.

They sat in near silence for several hours, Joker eventually curled up in a ball and fell asleep.

Bruce sat in silence watching him sleep.


	9. A love?

Bruce sat, angrily watching Jokers chest rise and fall as he slept.

But the thing was, he wasn't only annoyed with Joker for making the comment about his mother.

He was annoyed with himself, for hitting him.

He had deserved it, sure, for all he'd done that man, if you could call him that, probably deserved death.

But he had been pulled aside by Catwoman before he left and she made him promise her that he'd try to deal with him rationally.

She said that enough blood had been spilt already.

After what Bruce had done to her, he didn't want to break his promise.

Bruce stared down at Jokers sleeping figure.

He was confused at how a man who had killed so many could fall asleep so easily.

Batman had enough trouble sleeping as it was.

He didn't dare think how hard it would be if he had killed someone.

He mapped the scars and bruises that covered Jokers body.

And couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

The small dragon tattoo on the small of his back seemed to have been cut in half at some point.

He wondered if it was he who had done it.

He noticed Joker had started shivering.

He got up and walked quietly into what he guessed must be the bedroom.

It was a rather nice room.

It would have seemed that Joker had been living in relative luxury.

However it looked as if the room hadn't been used.

Everything had a slight coating of dust and the bed didn't look as if it hadn't been slept in.

How odd.

He had expected that if Joker had the option to sleep in a nice place he would.

He pulled one of the blankets off the bed and went back into the first room.

He carefully tucked the blanket around Joker.

Joker started making appreciative grunts, mumbling words that Batman couldn't quite make out.

Batman moved round so he could see Jokers face.

He tried to read his lips, but that had never been an easy thing to do with the Joker.

He moved closer so he could see better

He seemed to be whispering something about 'his honey caring for him' but he wasn't sure exactly.

Joker's eyes snapped open, making Batman jump backwards in surprise.

He looked round in confusion, "What the fuck...? Did I fall asleep...?"

Batman nodded, "yeah, about 3 hours ago."

Joker laughed, "Wow! That's gotta be the longest I've slept in years."

"How come you fell asleep so easily this time?"

The clown wiped the sleep out his eyes.

"You tell me Bats. Did you drug my tea? ... No, that's not your style."

He looked up at Batman, "maybe it's just having you here?"

Batman cocked his head, "how would that work?"

The madman shrugged, "I dunno. Maybe it's coz normally, I'm the one who watches out for trouble, and having you watching over me has made me feel safe? Or made me calmer or more relaxed or something... Have you slept at all?"

Bruce shook his head, "of course not, I've been keeping an eye on you... You can go back to sleep if you want."

"Oh aren't you a little lamb, but no, I'm up now. Could I have some tea? Or something stronger? There's some whiskey in one of the cupboards."

Batman grunted and walked into the kitchen, He opened the cupboards, standing to one side as he did so in case they were boobie trapped.

"Don't you have anything other than junk food and alcohol?"

Joker laughed.

"Nah, I'm not really into all that healthy shit, no point."

Bruce grabbed a half full bottle of whiskey, "don't you want to live longer?"

Joker roared with laughter, "Do you want me to live longer Batsy? I'd have thought you'd want me to die as soon as possible."

Batman walked to Joker, handing him the bottle.

"No, I don't want you to die, I just want you to stop killing people."

Joker giggled, "always the good Samaritan. Even to me."

Batman sat back on the blue chair, "I can't help it, it's how I've always been... But, The Joker is not who you've always been."

"Yeah it is, for as long as I can remember, and I know I've been like this for longer that I've been anything or anyone else." Joker muttered, taking a long swig of his drink, flinching slightly at the taste.

"Don't try to turn me into something I'm not."

Batman sighed, "I'm not, but if you're not happy like this then you should change."

Joker laughed mockingly, "I never said I wasn't happy! I love playing these games with you, I love making my jokes, and pulling pranks on people. I love killing people! Their final screams. That satisfying pop as their heads explode."

"You're lying to yourself Joker. Why do you think you can't sleep? You feel guilty for what you've done, you just don't realise it. Maybe the fact you felt safe with me here isn't the only reason you could sleep last night. Maybe subconsciously you knew that with me here you wouldn't be able to do anything terrible."

Joker giggled and shook his head, "you're messed up, I know my own mind and I know that's not true."

"If you know your mind so well then how come you can't remember who you used to be?"

He made an odd grunting noise, "coz my mind won't let me, if I let myself remember I'll break completely, so please don't try to make me, you'll turn me into a man 100 times worse than I am now."

Batman paused.

"You sound as if you're holding your back at the moment."

Joker tittered, "nah, not really, I just know I could be so much worse."

"You don't have to turn back into whoever you were before, you could become a new person all together."

The maniac chuckled, "yeah but who has the time?"

"Why else do you think we're here Joker?"

Batman sunk to the floor, sitting next to Joker.

"You said you're broken, I can help fix you."

Joker chuckled again, taking another swig of whiskey, "I'm not some fuckin' broken toy, you can't just wrap me in cellotape and call it a day. And I'm not broken, there's nothing wrong with me."

Batman smirked, "I think the fact that you said that second proves that you think you are."

Joker pulled the blanket tighter around him, "shut up, Batman. You don't know what you're going on about."

Batman smiled to himself, "OK, maybe we'll talk about it later then?"

Joker tugged his line of sight away from Batman.

Bruce suddenly felt a buzzing from one of his belt pockets.

He pulled out a small mic-speaker set and moved into the kitchen.

Though he made sure he could still see Joker.

He put the speaker bud in his ear and held the mic to his lips.

"Yes?"

A slightly muffled voice came through the speaker.

"Master Bruce? Just calling to ask how things are going? Miss Kyle's asking after you."

Bruce smiled, "yeah things are going fine, I'm making progress I think. Tell Selina I'm keeping my promise, and that I miss her."

Alfred chuckled, "oh and the Commissioner tried to contact you, it seems he's decided to talk to you about your thing with Joker."

He smiled again, "OK, get me through and call me back in a bit OK?"

"Yes Sir I'll call you back within the half hour."

A loud static hummed through Batman's ears as Alfred hung up.

He re-entered the first room, holding a few tea biscuits.

"Was that your girlfriend then Bruce?"

"Yes actually - Hang on, who's Bruce?"

Oh shit, if Joker knew who he was, he didn't want to think about what could happen...

"s you isn't it? Either that or you're some other billionaire, and Bruce Wayne just happens to be going out with the same gal as you. He stealin' her from you is he?"

Joker started giggling.

"I'm not Bruce Wayne." Batman chuckled.

Joker tutted and shook his head, "baby, you are such a bad liar. I was eventually gunna find out who you were anyway, and hey, you hid it from me for a good while, just be proud of that."

He giggled alluringly, "and I know what you look like under that mask now Batsy, let me just say, I'm impressed. I didn't think you'd be as handsome as you are."

Joker knew when he was lying, there was no point.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Batman felt another vibration coming from his belt pocket.

He grabbed the mic-speaker.

"I'll just be a minute, I have to get this."

Bruce walked back into the kitchen.

"Yes?"

Alfred's voice cracked through the static "I have Gordon on the line for you."

"OK go on."

There was a loud beep, then Gordon's voice boomed through the speaker.

"Batman? I would have called sooner but I've been dealing with the press. Is that video real? Or is it a hoax?"

Batman exhaled, "I'm sorry to say, Gordon, that it's not a hoax."

Gordon made some disgusted, disgruntled noises.

"I was forced to Gordon; I didn't do it of my own free will."

"...Well... I suppose that's something. Well thank you for your co-operation."

He hung up.

"Was that the commissioner? How's his wife?" Joker laughed.

This was another comment Batman chose to ignore.

"Can I go on your laptop Joker? I want to see what the press is saying about me, us."

Joker's eyes followed him as he walked round the room.

"Sure, quick question though, why are you using your Batman voice, not that it's not really hot, but I know who you are, why bother? Using that voice is just making me wanna do stuff to you."

Bruce chuckled, "all right, but I'm only going to use my normal voice to stop you thinking like that. And why don't you use your normal voice? Or is that creepy falsetto your real voice?"

Joker lay back on the floor.

"Oh yes my darling, I'm 100 percent real."

Bruce sat and typed 'Batman & Joker' into the news search bar.

He felt kind of amazed at the headlines that came up.

'Batman and Joker have illicit affair'

'Catching or consorting?'

'Batman and Joker clip not faked.'

He clicked on the last one, a news clip.

'The infamous popular Joker and Batman video, that appeared online several days ago, has been proved to not be a fake, despite Commissioner Gordon's disputes, we have run the video through our computers and face matching software and we can confirm that the people in the clip really are Joker and Batman. It appears that they are having a homosexual affair with each other, and now it seems we must ask ourselves, are we safe now that Batman and Joker are in a partnership? Since this video was released Joker has killed 27 people, in the fires that blazed through Gotham, a fe-"

Batman paused the video.

"Oh Batsy, listen to them, they think that this whole thing is turning you bad."

Batman closed the laptop.

The room became almost devoid of light.

"They should say that it's turning you good."

Joker chuckled, "well it's not. And all they know is that we did some sexual stuff then I killed a bunch of people and you didn't try to stop me. Humans are so ignorant, they never try to find out what really happened, what's really wrong. They take everything at face value and don't care if they're right or not..."

Batman smiled, turning on the rooms main light, then sitting next to Joker again.

"I'm sure not everyone thinks like that."

Joker blinked rapidly, partially blinded by the sudden light.

"Pah. Even you do."

"What? No I don't if I did do you think I'd be sitting and talking to you."

Joker shook his head, "you're not doing it coz you want to learn, you're doing it coz you were told to."

"I think I would have ended up doing it eventually, just like I would have ended up sleeping with you eventually." He nudged Joker playfully.

Joker scoffed, "yes, what a hoot..."

Batman smiled, "you don't sound to pleased, it was a joke. You should be pleased."

"I don't like jokes at my expense..."

"So you can give it but you can't take it?"

Joker tittered, "oh I can give and take Batman, baby."

Bruce nudged him again, "see, not so bad are you?"

Joker laughed again, "what about you? I always thought you were a bit of a player, especially with the ladies?"

"A player, yeah, but none of my relationships ever last very long. Normally because of the whole me being Batman thing."

"Is that why you're going out with Catwoman? Coz she knows who you are?"

"And she's one of the good guys now. I'm trying to make it work, god knows I am. But..."

Joker put his hand on Bruce's knee, "It doesn't feel how its supposed to does it?"

Batman shook his head, "I'm not sure if I can stay with her now."

"That's how it is with me and Harley, I like her, I really do. But I get so annoyed, with her, when I don't feel anything, I end up beating her and sending her away... It affects me more than you may think."

Batman slowly gripped the white hand on his knee.

"Before I was with you, I felt fine with her, not amazing, just fine. But now I hardly feel anything. And I don't know why."

Joker giggled, retracting his bound hand, "look at us... We're two losers, stuck together, bound for life by our hatred and love of each other. We're like yin and yang but weirder, and real."

"I don't hate you Joker, I just don't understand you. Or why you kill people."

Joker smiled, "I think I've pretty much already told you. I get annoyed when I don't... But I can't kill you, I feel for you. More than anyone else I can remember."

"Yeah. I know what you mean. Being with you was better than anyone else. I -"

"No." Joker said, almost shouted.

He stood up, the ropes round his hands tightened, the blanket fell from his shoulders onto the floor.

"You don't understand what I mean... It... It started off as hatred, I hated you for what you'd done, I wanted to kill people to get back at you. Then, I started to like fighting you, playing with you, it was fun, devising a plan and seeing if I could complete it before you got me, seeing how much I could hit you before you could hit me, if I would be lucky enough to knock you out, even kill you, I got a massive thrill from it. Suddenly I started to 'like like' you, and now I can't even think of killing you without getting this horrible heavy feeling in my chest."

Batman nodded.

Joker was exhaling rapidly, he seemed really distressed.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm feeling things I've never felt before. I'm not used to feeling things. But now I feel everything, and it's all because of you! I hate you, I love you, I fear you and I lust for you. It's paining me, badly, because I know that you don't feel it too."

Bruce stood up, placing his hand on Jokers shoulder.

"I haven't let myself feel it. If I let myself feel hate I may go over the edge and kill you. I don't let myself feel love because It'll hurt me when you do something morally wrong. I can't fear you because then I wouldn't be able to fight you. And I mustn't lust for you or I'll be distracted from my work."

"... So you do feel for me? You just don't want yourself to."

Batman nodded.

"What are we going to do about this Bats...?"

Bruce shook his head, "I don't know, we obviously can't hide this, it's already out for a start."

"And I don't think I'll be able to go back to how it was before, I live for your attention and the only way I've been able to get it before is by fighting you... But I don't want to fight you anymore... I want you to love me, not hate me..."

"I don't hate you. But I have a reputation to keep."

Joker giggled and rolled his eyes, "what and I don't? I can't be seen in a relationship with Batman, they'll say I've gone soft."

"I really like you Joker, you know that right?"

He felt Jokers weight shift so he was leaning towards him.

"Do you want some of my whiskey?"

Batman exhaled happily, he felt better about himself having said that.

"I might as well have a bit."

Joker handed him the bottle, there was still around a quarter left.

Bruce took a gulp of the drink, his insides squirmed as the burning liquid leaped down his throat.

He placed a hand on Jokers uncovered back, feeling the warm skin under his fingers.

Again he found himself tracing the scars on the maniacs back.

"Don't do that, Bruce... It makes me feel ugly..." Joker whispered.

Batman immediately stopped, smiling to himself.

He was kind of happy that Joker had called him by his real name.

"What should I call you? You have my real name, and Joker, no offence, doesn't sound like a real name."

Joker pressed himself slightly against Batman, savoring the physical contact.

Although he found himself annoyed that he was leaning against armor, not skin.

"I really don't know. I think if I was to have a proper mans name. I think I'd be called Jack?"

Bruce smiled, "Jack? OK, it's a little common, but it suits you."

Joker tilted his head, touching it against Bruce's.

"After all these years of being extraordinary, I think I need an ordinary name."

Batman took another mouthful of the alcohol, he could feel it working already.

He was starting to feel hotter, and feel happier.

Although he wasn't really sure if it was the drink or the fact that the Joker was so close.

"Alright then, Jack. Yeah it's a good name, very sweet."

Joker found himself looking over at Bruce, staring into the mans massive blue eyes.

He found himself overwhelmed with a sense of longing.

"Batman. Bruce Wayne, who'da thunk it, right? After all these years it turned out to be you."

Bruce nodded, "there were so many times you almost found out, I would have thought you'd have guessed from all the boys I had who just happened to be around the same age as Robin."

"Yeah... Sort of can't believe I never realised. Feel a tiny bit stupid for that. How are the Bat-brats taking this anyway?"

Bruce chuckled, "not well, I've only told them about the first time, and now Robin, Damien, isn't talking to me unless he has to, I don't know how they'd take it if I told them I actually liked you."

Joker smiled, "do you think you will tell them?"

"I'll have to eventually, if I don't and they find out, then that'll just make them hate me more."

Joker sank back to the floor and sighed.

"Oh my god... What are we doing Bruce, this is... weird.. I mean, a month and a bit ago we were at each others throats, even just yesterday you punched me in the face! Now we're talking about telling people that we're together? It's not right, its so weird..."

Bruce ran his hand hand through Jokers swept back mop of green hair, the sensation slightly dulled by his gloves.

"Are you hungry Jack? Want some chocolate cake? I saw some in the cupboard."

He nodded and flopped to the floor, "you confuse me... I confuse myself..."

Batman walked to the kitchen and grabbed a few slices of cake.

"I'm confused too, my mind's moving too fast for me to understand whats happening."

He placed a piece of cake and a plate and handed it to Joker, then sat on the blue chair with his own slice.

Joker fumbled with the plate, almost dropping it several times, finally timidly saying "Umm, Bruce, honey, could you untie my hands so I can eat? You don't have to untie my feet, just my hands?"

Bruce slid to Jokers side and began undoing the ropes.

Joker flexed his hand, reveling in the new found freedom.

He moved his hand to hold Bruce's, squeezing it slightly.

He grabbed his piece of cake and shoved it in to his mouth.

Batman smiled over at him.

"I think it's probably a smart idea to just go with the flow, with this anyway. If it doesn't work out then we've learnt something, if it does then brilliant."

He pulled off his mask, and ran his fingers through his hair.

Joker, eyes now stuck on Bruce, examining his hair, face and features.

He got so distracted he choked a little on his cake.

"Be careful Jack, I don't want you killing yourself."

Joker giggled, swallowed his cake and smiled at Bruce.

Bruce lent over and kissed Joker, "we've hardly even started yet."

**Omg, I had such trouble with this chapter, I hit a writers block about 3/4 of the way through. I'll be back soon with the next bit, please review!**


	10. A fight and some make up

Bruce lay naked on the floor, barely covered by the blanket.

He reflected on the actions of that morning as he watched Joker sleep.

It had been amazing.

Better than the first and second time combined.

Maybe because this time he'd had no doubts about whether to do it or not.

Or maybe because he had admitted his feelings toward Joker.

He wasn't sure which.

Joker had been so forceful, so gentle.

Just amazing.

It had been like, those stories of sex you hear as a child, the ones that make it seem overly romanticised.

That it's something amazing you do with someone you're in love with.

He reached over and bushed Jokers soft green hair out of his eyes.

How was this going to work?

He couldn't keep seeing him as Batman.

He couldn't tarnish Batman's name by having him be in a relationship with one of the bad guys.

And he couldn't see him as Bruce.

There would be an uproar if Bruce Wayne started dating the Joker.

And Joker couldn't exactly make himself look human.

Could he?

Maybe with a little make up or something…?

He'd have to look into that.

Joker stirred.

He slowly opened his eyes, "oh hey…"

Bruce smiled over at him "hey, good evening."

Joker wiped his eyes, "wassa time?"

"8, I think, you slept all day."

Joker sat up, smiling, "oh god, that was a good sleep, I don't think I've ever felt so relaxed or happy…"

Bruce looked up at him, lovingly running his hand over Jokers back, "do you want some coffee to wake yourself up?"

He nodded sleepily, "black please… loads of sugar."

Bruce sat, and lent over to undo the restraints on Joker's ankles.

He watched as Joker looked down at the ropes which now lay on the ground.

"Wow, you must trust me to give me free run of the house."

Bruce smiled at him and replied "I trust you... to not leave."

Then he got up and started to walk towards the kitchen, he was still naked and didn't make any attempt to hide himself.

As he walked he noticed one of the small lights on his belt was flashing, meaning that he had a missed call.

He grabbed the belt as he walked past and pulled the mic-speaker out again, casually throwing the belt back on he heap of clothes and armour.

He placed it in his ear as he turned the coffee maker on.

"Someone tried to call you, batsy?" Joker called from the other room.

"Yeah, hang on…"

A recorded voice crackled from the speaker, "you have a message, left at 7:20 this evening:"

Gordon's voice boomed into Batman's ear, "Batman! We have an emergency, of sorts;

The Riddler has escaped again, letting several inmates out with him. We haven't had any deaths yet, but we have had a few casualties, some civilians. Come and help us when you get this."

"Oh for god sake… Only a matter of time till this happened I guess."

Joker walked into the kitchen and took his cup of coffee, adding several heaped spoonfuls of sugar, "bad news?"

Bruce placed his cup under the nozzle of the coffee maker, filled it and then took a sip of the scolding beverage.

"Riddler, that arse, he's escaped again, I've gotta go an' deal with him."

Joker frowned, large lines forming across his face, "so you've gotta leave to play with another guy? Good thing I'm not the jealous type."

He laughed.

Bruce handed him the mic-speaker.

"I'll call you on this later ok?"

Bruce started gathering up his armour, and dressing himself.

He was able to do so amazingly fast now, after years of practice.

"I'll see you later my little bat." Joker kissed him.

A loving kiss to say goodbye.

It made Batman not want to leave.

That'd never happened to him before, not with any girl.

And it'd been exactly what he'd been afraid of.

"Bye Jack…" Batman pulled the fridge to one side and reluctantly walked to the bat-mobile.

Looking back all the way.

…

"Alfred hi, what's the situation?" Batman talked into the bat-mobile's intercom.

"Batman at last. I was close to sending Nightwing to find you. It's been over 8 hours."

"Yeah, sorry Alfred I was asleep."

"Joker gas?" Alfred said, sounding concerned.

Bruce smiled to himself, "no, just normal sleep."

The butler paused and eventually made an odd confused noise, "you were able to sleep?"

Bruce felt his smile grow slightly, "yeah, things went better than I could have hoped, I think... So what's the Riddler situation?"

Alfred paused, probably reading something off the computer screen.

"The police captured Riddler almost as soon as he escaped, however the other convicts

are still out, and having a stand off with the police, I'm sending the Bat-mobile co-ordinates now."

A light on the dashboard started flashing, and the car gradually gained speed.

"So how have you guys been while I've been gone?"

"Ok I guess, a small argument broke out between Miss Kyle and Master Dick, he seemed to think sending you to talk to Joker was a bad idea."

"So he's obviously not pleased? Wait till he finds out what's happened to me over the last 16 hours…"

"… What did actually happen…?" Alfred asked reluctantly.

Batman sighed, "umm… Don't over react, but… I think I might be in love…"

A loud grown came from the opposing side of the intercom, "… Please tell me it's with Miss Kyle…"

"I'm afraid not Alfred… With him, with the Joker."

Another loud grown came from Alfred, "shall I tell Masters Dick and Damien, and Miss Kyle, or leave that privilege to you?"

"I'll do it. I owe them that much. I've got to go Alfred, I'm here."

…

Batman sat at the top of a building, overlooking the small house the convicts were held up in.

As far as he could tell there was only one hostage, he wondered why the police hadn't stormed them yet.

Then he realised the hostage was actually one of the higher ranking policemen.

Then he noticed a large bomb strapped round the hostage's chest.

That would explain why they hadn't stormed it…

Batman watched one of the escapees, the one who had the detonator.

He seemed to be following a certain path.

He looped round the hostage then into an empty room and back.

So there was a clear opportunity to take him out.

Again he couldn't help wondering why the police hadn't done so already.

He found himself thinking back to all the times the police had had a clear shot at Joker but let Batman deal with him, because they knew that whoever took him down would be killed during Jokers next escape.

Batman was the only person who had been able to take him and stay safe.

Bruce shook his head, trying to keep focused on the task at hand.

But he could feel this, thing, at the back of his head, trying to tug him away.

Batman focused himself and prepared himself.

He flew down through the window, smashing it and expertly taking out the man with the detonator.

He sped through the house and sent a flurry of batterangs at the 5 men in the other

room.

He readied himself to fight, expecting the men to get back up to fight him.

But they didn't.

Batman took a closer look and realised the batterangs had been modified.

There was a tiny lump of plastic on each them, some sort of microchip.

He bent down to pick one of them up, and felt a small surge of electricity run up his

arm.

They had been electrified?

"…Damn it Jack…"

He pulled the batterang out of one of the convicts and checked the mans pulse.

He was still alive.

Thank god.

He walked over to the hostage, and untied him.

As he did he noticed a look of terror he had never seen directed at him before.

The man fainted through fear.

Batman finished untying the man and lifted him over his shoulder.

He carried him out the door.

He was approached police, who took the man away.

As soon as they left he was swarmed by press.

They where shouting, screaming questions at him.

Some about the man he had just saved.

The majority were about him and Joker.

Batman chose not to say anything, and simply grapple away.

...

"Joker?" Bruce whispered into the bat-mobiles intercom.

Joker's giggling voice flowed through the speaker, "I told you, call me Jack."

"Jack. Why did you modify my weapons?"

"Oh yeah, did they work? It didn't kill them did it? Coz that's what I was going for."

"No, I did thought it did for a second, but no. Did you you do it to all the batterangs?"

Joker giggled, "no baby, only the first few, just to test."

Bruce grunted, annoyed that Joker had tampered with his stuff.

He decided to change the subject, "are you alright Jack?"

"Yeah, I'm a little confused though honey, about our situation. Are you going to be alright?"

Bruce chewed his lip contemplatively.

"I should think so, although I've been meaning to ask you, do you think it'd be possible for you to wear makeup, to make you look, kind of, more human?"

"Yeah, I have done before. Why? Have you come up with some sort of crazy plan? If it's a crazy plan it'll probably be more fun."

"I want to take you to Wayne manor, but, you can't be seen as Joker there, so we'll have to make you look human."

Joker chuckled, "OK, not a crazy plan, but it sounds like a good idea. We'll do it when you get back ok honey?"

Bruce grunted "k" and hung up.

...

"Jack?" Bruce called gently as he entered the bungalow styled house.

"Jack, I'm back. Sorry I took so long, I bought some make up."

"Hi Brucy, I'll be out in a sec."

He placed several heavy, almost overflowing shopping bags onto the floor by the door.

He chuckled, "well... I say some..."

Joker walked out of the bed room, walked over to Bruce and hugged him "Ok, lets see what prezzies you've got me."

"Did you not think to get dressed while I was gone?" Bruce raised an eyebrow as he looked down at Jokers naked body.

Joker tilted his head, "why would I need to? I'm not going out or anything, and the only person who's going to see me is you."

Joker walked up to the shopping bags, grin spread like butter across his face, and started to pull things out of them.

"This'll be such fun, although I don't thing many of these will suit me..."

Bruce walked over and sat next to Joker, helping him spread the contents of the bags over the floor.

"Well I wasn't sure what would suit you, so I just got everything. Oh, and I got some hair dye as well, if you're ok with that."

Joker twitched his head disapprovingly, "but I like my green hair, can't we just say I'm eccentric?"

Bruce reached up to run his hand through Jacks soft, green hair, smiling openly.

"Sure, I want you to be comfortable with this."

Joker giggled, "this is as close to comfortable as we can get I should think."

His smile dropped slightly, "I truly can't believe this, a few weeks ago I would never have considered this as possible."

"Life's full of surprises, you of all people should know that Jack."

"Yeah, but, it's just that, this has happened so quickly. I feel like I'm just speeding through and things are just... Happening, but things don't normally 'just happen' to me, I've always had to make them happen. This is just, odd... For me anyway."

"It's ok, I know what you mean, you feel like, lately things have been happening so fast that you're not sure if your making the right choices, saying the right things or whatever. I feel like that too, but I mean, if things don't go right then at least we've learnt something."

Joker chuckled, "yeah, like I've learnt who you really are."

Bruce smiled and nudged him playfully, "don't go telling people. That wouldn't be fair."

Joker nudged him back, "since when have I been one to play fair? But no I wouldn't tell anyone, that'd take all the sport out of it, it'd be no fun."

Bruce smiled at him in thanks, "ok, well, which one of these would you like to try on first?"

Joker picked up one of the lighter shades of foundation from the row of them he had made.

"This one." He handed it to Bruce, "can you put this on for me? I don't want to miss any bits."

Bruce pulled the wrapping off of the foundation bottle and squirted some into his hand.

He started to rub a small amount of the cool, gloopy liquid onto Jokers face.

Joker, giggling profusely, started pulling weird faces, trying to stretch his skin so that Bruce wouldn't miss any.

"Wouldn't it have looked a bit weird, you going into a shopping centre and buying loads of make up?"

Bruce smiled, "probably, but I don't mind. Hold still, you're making it uneven."

Joker froze, trying not to laugh, as Bruce continued rubbing the foundation into Jokers face.

"This really tickles!" Joker laughed.

"It's alright, I'm almost done."

Bruce rubbed the last of the liquid onto Jokers forehead.

"Ok, ok, now do the blusher stuff."

Joker picked up a small pot, "this one."

Bruce pulled a make up brush from the pile on the floor and swept some blush across his cheeks.

"What now?"

"Eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, bronzer? You really did buy everything didn't you?"

Bruce smiled, "well I didn't want to miss anything."

Joker got up and walked into the bedroom to look in a mirror.

"Wow, I look so cool."

"Do you want to add anything else?"

Joker walked back into the room, "no, I think this'll do for now, just to meet your family. Which reminds me, have you told them about me at all? I mean they would have seen the video but do they really know whats happening?"

Bruce shook his head, "I wanted to tell them in person, with you."

Joker smiled, "can we introduce me as Jack then? It might soften the blow."

He laughed, "I doubt it will, but we can try."

He looked up at Joker, smiling, "... I just want you to know that they won't like this, but I don't care... This is the happiest I've been, the most peaceful I've felt... in forever. My whole life I've felt, weird, but when I was talking to you yesterday, and when I woke up today, I just felt amasing."

Joker smiled back at him, and ran his long, slender fingers through his hair, "yeah... I think I feel the same."

Bruce stood up and looked down at Joker who was still naked, "we should get you dressed before we leave."

Joker walked over to the pile of clothes in the corner, still there from the previous day. "I guess I should wear something other than my Joker suit, right?"

He started to pick up his clothes.

"Just wear the shirt and the trousers, that should be fine."

Joker climbed into his plum coloured trousers, and buttoned up his yellow/orange shirt.

"You know, I feel rather odd without the jacket... Will this do?"

Bruce looked him up and down, "yeah, you look brilliant Jack."

Joker straitened himself up, flattening the creases on his shirt, "good, shall we go then?"

Bruce nodded and opened his arms in a gesture to leave.

Joker whispered a thank you to Bruce as he passed, Bruce smiled to himself as he watched Jack walk out the door.


	11. A changed man?

"Are you sure about this? They're not going to like it."

Jack reached over and took Batman's hand.

He thought it would be reassuring for him.

Batman held it for a few second, then sighed deeply and lifted off his helmet.

"Yeah. Best they find out now, I'd rather not sneak about, I don't want to lie to them."

Jack giggled to himself, "always the good guy aren't you?"

Bruce smiled as he opened the bat-mobiles door.

Jack struggled to find the handle, or button, that opened the door on his side, Bruce nipped round to the passenger side and helped Jack out.

"Oh and a gentleman too, I've hit the jackpot haven't I?"

He took Bruce by the waist as he clambered out of the car, and quickly checked his reflection in the cars wing mirror as they started to walk up the slope towards the bat-computer and the stairs to the rest of the house.

"Alfred!" Bruce called, as he started to dress out of his Batsuit and into his normal shirt and trousers.

"Alfred, I've brought company."

They heard a slight clattering of china as Alfred walked down the stair case.

"I know sir, I saw you on the cameras. I took the liberty of making you and your unnamed guest some tea."

"Thank you Alfred, this is Jack by the way. Previously known as the Joker. He'll be staying with us for a while..."

Jack gave a polite nod and took a cup of tea.

"...That is, if you don't mind."

Alfred looked over at Bruce, he seemed slightly concerned, "of course I don't mind, I trust your decisions."

Bruce took his own cup of tea, "thank you. Could you tell Damien I'm home, Nightwing too."

Alfred nodded politely and backed out, up the stairs.

"Well that was tense! I felt like if I spoke he would slap me!"

Jack drank the remainder of his tea and placed the cup back on the tray before hooking his arms round Bruce's neck.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he had poisoned my tea."

Bruce smirked, "he wouldn't do that, I think he's just a bit worried about what could happen, I think he's happy that I'm happy, but he's worried that you might end up hurting me."

Jack leaned in and kissed Bruce, "I don't think that'll happen."

The door at the top of the stairs flew open, Jack jumped away from Bruce, making an attempt to look innocent.

Damien tumbled down the stairs, followed by Dick, Damien waved at his father, seeming almost ecstatic, before he noticed the slender man wearing half of a purple suit, standing next to Bruce.

Damien looked over at Jack, after a few seconds of confusion his expression hardened, and, his eyes burning with hate, turned to Bruce.

"I cannot believe you!" Damien roared, making threatening gestures toward Bruce, "I can't believe you brought him here."

Jack ducked between his lover and the fuming teen, "hi, I'm Jack, you must be Damien, I've been told a lot about you", he held out his hand.

Damien looked at it as if it was covered in dirt.

"I'm not shaking that, I'm not falling for that trick, you bastard."

Jack turned his eyes to Bruce, looking forlorn, "lovely kid you've got here honey. I-"

"Are you two together?" Damien yelled, looking over at his father.

Bruce simply looked away.

"That's disgusting, how could you do this? I could kind of understand before, but... How could you do this...?"

Jack took a step towards Damien, arms stretched out in an attempt to shield Bruce from any more emotional attacks.

"That's enough! Don't you think he's had enough trouble with this himself? He doesn't need you having a go at him too."

Damien pursed his lips, obviously still annoyed, but he couldn't think of a fresh argument.

Jack smiled, realising he had won, he spun round to face Bruce, and reached out to take his hand.

He leaned in and kissed him.

Bruce looked over at Nightwing, who had a solemn expression frozen on his face.

"Are you ok?" Bruce enquired.

Dick grunted, "a warning about this would have been nice."

"I wanted to tell you in person. I was worried about how you would react."

"... You didn't have to bring him with you when you did..."

He walked back up the stairs, Damien shot Jack and his father a dirty look, then followed Dick.

"That was horrible..."

Jack hugged Bruce, tighter than before, trying to make him feel safe, "they'll come around, I'm sure they will. They just need to realise that I'm not the Joker anymore, I'm Jack now."

Bruce hugged him back in reply, closing his eyes and sniffing Jack's mess of green hair as he did.

"Shall I show you to your room?"

Jack giggled and looked up at Bruce, "don't you mean our room?"

Bruce smiled as he ended their embrace, "come on, it's this way."

They proceeded to walk up the stairs, across the hall and up another set of stairs.

They chatted and laughed all the way.

"Here we are. The master bedroom."

Bruce opened the door and beckoned Jack inside.

Before them stood a large, beautifully crafted four poster bed, the room was massive, wonderfully decorated.

"Wow."

Bruce smiled at Jacks almost dumbstruck response, "yeah it is nice isn't it. It used to be my parents room."

"Don't you have a room of your own?"

Bruce smiled, slightly annoyed, "I did, but then you blew it up, remember?"

Jack chuckled, "oh yeah, I'd forgotten..."

He reached over to Bruce and pulled him into yet another embrace, "I'm sorry about that... For everything I've done."

"It's ok." Bruce pulled Jack in for a kiss, which led onto a longer kiss.

Before he knew it they had fallen onto the bed, kissing frantically and violently, Jack running his hands up and down Bruce's body, he pulled up the mans top, wanting to touch his skin.

The feeling of bare skin under his fingers made Jacks head spin, one of the best feelings in the world.

But that euphoric feeling was broken as a loud banging came from the door, "Master Bruce, I'm sorry to disturb you, but it's an emergency."

Jack rolled his eyes as he sat back up, Bruce pulled his shirt back on, "yes Alfred?"

Alfred opened the door, and stood unblinking under the frame, he had guessed what was happening.

"Does that always happen?" Jack asked, his voice cracking slightly.

Bruce placed his hand on Jacks knee, "so what's happened Alfred?"

"It's Riddler, again, apparently they were in the process of locking him in his cell and he-"

"Garroted the guard and used his gun to scare his way out. Yeah I did that a few times." Jack looked over at Alfred, then turned his eyes to Bruce, who seemed surprised at Jack for saying that.

Jack took Bruce's hand as Alfred continued speaking, "exactly... He left a riddle... Written in blood. 'When is a door not a door?'"

Jack rolled his eyes, "When it's a jar, that's a terrible riddle, he's not even trying. That jam shop down the road that closed a few weeks ago, that's where he wants you to go Bruce."

"Why would he make it so easy? It must be a trap, I'll go anyway, I don't want him out longer than necessary. Have you asked Damien and Dick if they're coming?"

Alfred shook his head, "they're both adamantly staying in their rooms."

Jacks expression hardened, his smile dropped, "if you know it's a trap why go? On your own? You might get hurt."

Bruce stood up, "you know I've got to do this, don't act like that."

Jack smiled up at Bruce, "yeah, sure. Sorry."

Bruce took his hand and led him back down to the Bat-cave.

"I'll only be a few hours, you can still contact me, I'll have my ear bud in."

He started to change into his Batman suit.

Jack sighed happily, "I know you'll be alright, you've done this a million times already, I mean, you went up against me when I was really trying to kill you and survived, barely scratched. You'll be fine."

Bruce chuckled, "I know I will. Are you gunna be alright?"

Jack nodded, smiling widely, "yeah I'll be fine. I'll just sit here and wait for you to come back, can I watch T.V on this thing?"

Bruce nodded as he started to walk to the Bat-mobile.

...

He climbed out of the car, it had been an uneventful drive.

Before him was a large shop.

Batman snuck inside, being careful to stay in the shadows.

He peered down to see Riddler sitting on a red plastic chair.

Who was surrounded by several burly, heavily armed men.

There was a loud crash behind Batman.

Several large objects flew at him.

He dodged them skillfully, but misjudged his landing and collapsed in a heap next to Riddlers men.

He jumped up before any of the thugs could throw a punch at him, and threw batterangs at the largest of the men who were now running at him.

The men fell to the floor, and didn't get back up.

Bruce had forgotten about Jacks earlier meddling, many of his batterags were still electrified.

At least that would mean he wouldn't have to worry about them.

He smirked as he threw batterangs at the other men.

Who in turn fell to the floor.

These electrified batterangs really came in handy.

Now only he and Riddler were left.

"It's over, Riddler." Batman growled as he advanced on Riddler.

"So I will ask you one, simple riddle." Riddler delivered with his usual smugness.

"Is that true?"

Suddenly Batman felt a sharp, heavy blow to the center of his face.

He tumbled backwards, falling to the floor.

One of the thugs had hidden, in the shadows, then taken advantage of Batman being distracted by Riddler.

He had hit him in the face with a crowbar.

Now Batman lay unconscious on the floor.

Riddler tied him up, securing him to the red plastic chair which he had previously sat on.

He pondered, with his only remaining thug, the best way to deal with the rodent who was tied in front of him.

They had just about decided on the best way to get rid of him, when they were distracted by an odd noise.

It sounded almost like laughing.

It swiftly echoed through the room.

"What was that?" Riddler mumbled.

"Probably the wind sir."

"No, I don't think so... Check around."

The thug nodded, and moved off to search the rest of the building.

He disappeared from view.

Riddler heard a loud bang.

A gunshot?

Followed by that odd noise again.

This time he could definitely tell it was laughter.

"Who is that?" Riddler yelled.

He heard the laughter again, it was clearer this time, he recognised it.

"...Joker?"

"Yes Riddler ol' buddy ol' pal."

The Joker, in all his wonder and glory, walked in the door the henchman had just exited through.

"What are you doing here...? This is my game, you know the rules!"

Joker Lent casualty against the door frame, "so do you. And you're breaking several of them just by wearing that disgusting costume, what ever happened to 'Don't have a costume louder than your voice'?"

Riddler glared at him, "unless asked, you never interfere with another mans plan, I remember you once saying 'never rub another mans rhubarb'"

"And what do you think you're doing now?"

Riddler looked at him, a quizzical expression on his face.

"You're rubbin' my rhubarb Riddler, I'm just stopping you."

Joker advanced on Riddler, menacing as ever.

"Woah, woah, Joker, lets not go overboard here. I didn't know you were in the middle of something."

Riddler backed away, almost cowering, from Joker.

"Well I am."

Joker walked up to Batman, "hello, my poor little bat, what's the big bad man done to you. Look at your poor face..."

Joker ran his hand over the Batmans face and sighed.

"Now scamper away Riddler, like the little dog you are. Or I'll shoot you."

He made a gun shape with his hand, and pointed it at Riddler, making mock gunshot noises.

Riddler backed off.

"Fine.. little bitch..."

Joker laughed, "I admire your candour kid, I'll get you for that you know."

"Yeah yeah, that's what you always say." Riddler giggled and waved as he walked away.

"Batman?" Joker tapped the unconscious mans face.

"Batman, wake up, we've got to go."

He tapped him slightly harder, "batsy, honey, come on."

Batmans eyes flickered, and his face twitched into a slight smile.

"Yes, brilliant, there's that lovely smile." Joker sighed, relieved.

"...Jack..." Bruce whispered.

"Hush, don't waist your strength."

Joker pulled Batman's speaker and mic from Batman and near shouted into it.

"Alfred! Alfred get the bat-mobile to come to 28 esten street, it's an emergency!"

"Yes master Jack."

Joker untied Batman from the plastic chair.

He contemplated how he was going to move the man from the chair to the curb.

But Batman seemed almost determined he could do it himself.

He said that he'd gotten himself out of tighter spots than this, and he could do it himself.

But Jack still had to drag the half conscious man most of the way.

"It's ok, baby, look at me. It's ok, the car's on it's way."

Jack looked down at Bruce, his face was smashed in, covered in blood.

It was hard to hide his consern.

There was a loud roar as the Bat-mobile tore up, and screeched to a stop in front of them.

Joker lifted Batman onto his seat.

He then leaped into the drivers side of the bat-mobile.

"I always wanted to drive this." He smirked as he put the car into gear and sped off toward Wayne manor.

...

"Alfred, Bruce is hurt!"

"What happened?"

"Riddlers men jumped him."

Alfred and Dick helped Jack lift him onto the medical table.

Damien helped the butler as they cleaned Bruces face.

"He's drifting a bit, will he be ok?"

"I can fix him, it's happened before. He'll be fine. No need to look so worried, you've left him worse than this."

Jack giggled nervously, he picked up his bottle of foundation and squirted some onto his hand.

He turned away and rubbed it into his face, trying to take his mind off the injured Bruce.

Dick walked up to him, "I'm sure he'll be fine"

He turned back.

"Are you sure he's going to be ok?"

Jack scurried back to Bruces side.

Alfred had taken his mask off, to see the extent of the damage.

His face didn't look as bad now it had been cleaned.

"He'll be fine. Look, he's already starting to wake up."

Bruce opened his eye's.

He grunted in pain.

"My face. What happened...?"

Jack smiled, "you got hit in the face with a crowbar. I saved you. I did say you shouldn't have gone on your own."

Dick sat on one of the chairs by the medical table, "I'm sorry I was so selfish, I should've gone with you."

Jack suddenly felt incredibly angry, "well yes, you should have, you know how dangerous it can be out there, people get killed, he could have been killed!"

"It's alright Jack..." Bruce whispered, "I'm fine, you were there, I'm fine, I wasn't killed."

Jack looked down at Bruces dented face.

Trying to stop himself from crying, "I know, I'm sorry, I just hate to see you like this."

"You've almost killed him before, why do you care so much now?" Damien mumbled loudly.

Jack fell into tears, "I'm so sorry, I didn't realise... I didn't know... how bad it felt..."

"It's ok Jack, I'm fine, calm down. It's ok." Bruce reached out to hold Jacks hand.

"Oh god... I've done so many horrible things to you. I'm so sorry to have put you through all this."

Damien looked over, astonished that he had made a grown man cry, he had made the Joker cry.

"Thank you for saving him."

Jack, trying to stop sobbing, leaned over and kissed Bruce, then giggled, "I feel like an idiot, I can't beleive I'm crying... I never cry..."

Bruce giggled back, "it's alright, it's a good thing. Proves you've changed."

Jack smiled, "I love you."

Bruce smiled back, "I love you too."

They sat through a small uncomfortable silence, the 3 other men in the room shifted in discomfort, and hurried off to busy themselves elsewhere.

"I never thought I'd say that. Especialy not to you."

Jack let out a little laugh.

"It's brilliant though... Are you ok now, honey?"

Bruce nodded, "yeah, I'm good now. How did you get me out of that anyway? You didn't kill anyone did you?"

Jack laughed again, "no, of course not. I shot a guy and knocked him out, but I made sure I didn't kill him.

"How did you deal with Riddler?"

Jack shrugged, "I just talked to him, told him to leave and he did."

Bruce looked confused, "What? Really? You just talked to him? No fighting?"

"Yeah, might come as something of a surprise to you but I'm kind of fare-weather friends with him."

"So you're all friends?"

"Kind of. We help each other out every now and then."

Bruce chuckled, "no wonder I've not been able to put a dent in. If you're all working against me."

"No, we have a kind of set of rules, some of them about fighting you, the main one is that you don't interfear with another mans plans, I mean, you don't want to be in the middle of a plot and have someone mess it up."

"Really? How chivilrous. What other rules are there?"

"Umm, let's see... If one of us is in trouble, from forces out of his control, you must do your best to help him out."

"Is that why Penguin let you use that house?"

"Yeah, he found me injured a while back, I told him I was sleeping rough, he said he could give me a place for a while, for a small fee of course."

Jack chuckled.

"What else?"

"You must give your fellow costumed villains a present at christmas."

Bruce smiled in slight disbelief, "what? Really?"

Jack laughed, "yeah actually."

"Any others?"

"I'm not gunna say anymore! That'll take all the fun out of it."

Bruce chuckled, and pointed to his face, "yeah but it'll stop this from happening again."

Jack grasped Bruces hand, "Bruce, baby, I promice, nothing like this will ever happen to you ever again."

"Don't make promices you can't keep."

Jack gave a humbled smile.

He looked over at Damien and Dick.


	12. A 'normal day'

"You think one good deed is going to make up for all the bad things you've done to this family, and to everyone else?"

"Isn't it a start?"

Bruce slowly slid himself round, so his legs dangled off of the table.

He wrapped his arms round Jack's waist.

"It's more than just a start, it's brilliant."

He leaned in and kissed him.

"Oi, you're gunna get blood on my suit." Jack giggled.

Bruce flinched back.

"Crap, sorry... Oh yeah, that reminds me, we'll have to go clothes shopping tomorrow for you."

Damien chuckled, "yeah right, it's a bank holiday, the shops will be flooded with people, and they close early."

"Good point" Jack mumbled "Maybe the day after then? It'll give your face some time to heal."

Bruce picked up a bandage and placed it on his still bleeding face.

"Master Bruce, I think you should go and get some rest. It's late, and it'll help you heal."

Bruce swallowed a few pain killers, then shook his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts, "yeah, fine. Could you help me up the stairs Jack?"

Jack giggled, "sure, honey."

He held out his hand for Bruce.

He helped Bruce, who stumbled, almost drunkenly, by his side.

Jack helped Bruce up the stairs, along the hall and up the other set of stairs.

Bruce almost fell over several times, he seemed to be able to talk fine, but his balance was out.

Jack placed his injured lover on the bed.

"Come on, let's get those clothes off."

Bruce giggled, "I think that might exasperate my condition."

"Now now, I thought making jokes was my job."

Bruce pulled off his Batman armor and began to clamber into his pajamas.

Jack started to help him put his pajama trousers on.

"There you go, all ready for bed."

Jack smiled as he kissed Bruce goodnight, "night night, I'll try not to wake you when I come in later."

Jack smiled as he left the room.

"Miss Kyle, I told you Master Bruce is unavailable." Jack heard Alfred say, rather loudly.

"I want to talk to him, Dick told me what's happened, I need to talk to him!"

Jack rushed to the edge of the stairs to get a clearer view of what was happening.

Selina had barged past Alfred, who stood looking indignant by the front door.

"Bruce!" She yelled, her voice filled with anger.

"Bruce, I need to talk to you!"

Jack skipped down the stairs, "I'm sorry Selina, Brucey is in bed with a head injury. But I could pass a message on if you like."

Selina's eyes narrowed.

She rushed forward and slapped Jack, "you bastard, why did you do this? We were happy! Where's Bruce!"

"I told you, he's in bed with a head injury, he got in a little bit of a scuffle with Riddler."

"What? Is he ok?"

Her tone had changed dramatically, from angry to concerned.

"He'll be fine, luckily an old fiend showed up, having had a sudden change of heart, and saved him from having his face smashed in."

Selina looked a little dumbstruck.

She stammered slightly as she spoke, "...Umm, well, thank you for saving him. I still want to talk to him though."

"Well he's asleep now, all drugged up and everything. I doubt I'd be able to wake him."

"Fine." she snapped, "I'll come back in the morning, you better be in this time."

She walked to the door, still obviously angry and upset, and exited the house.

"Well handled Master Jack, very civil. I can see there is hope for you yet."

Jack tittered, "yes, I'm not all bad. I keep telling people that..."

Jack walked into the living room, "hmmm, it's not as good as the other living room... Probably shouldn't have blown it up."

"Yeah well you did." Damien said from the sofa, making Jack jump in surprise.

"Now we're living in a house half the size it should be."

"You should wear a bell kid, you scared me half to death. I am sorry about blowing it up though."

"It almost got the cave. We could have lost all our stuff."

"Yeah but you didn't. God, you're so negative. Instead of thinking 'oh boo hoo, it could have blown up the cave' try thinking 'at least it didn't hit the cave'."

Jack flicked on the t.v and sat on one of the armchairs, the furthest seat from the child.

Damien looked up from the book he was reading, interested to see what Jack would choose to watch.

After flicking through a few channels, and stopping briefly on a cartoon, but then deciding he had already seen that one, he stopped on a romcom film.

"Along came Polly! I've been meaning to watch this, apparently it's good."

"I've seen it."

Jack smiled, "so then? Is it good?"

"Yeah. Dad got it for me on dvd."

"Must be good then."

Damien giggled at an off-colour joke that'd just been told.

Jack's smile widened.

Good to see that this kid had some sense of humor.

He settled down and began watching the film.

"Are you serious? About being with my father I mean."

These were the first words spoken in over half an hour.

"Yeah. This isn't one of my plans or pranks. I actually mean this."

Damien tried to hide a slight smile of relief as he turned back to the film.

"...Good." He said in his usual annoyed grunt.

Jack chuckled, "now now, don't act like that, you're starting to like me aren't you?"

"No. I like that you're making my father happy at the moment, that's all. If you betray him he'll go back to hating you and things will go back to how they used to be."

Jack looked over at Damien, "I'm not going to betray him."

"Oh yeah, you say that now.." Damien mumbled.

"I'm not!" Jack shouted, "I'm not going to betray him. I'm different now."

"Sure..." Damien grunted as he turned up the t.v.

"I am different." Jack smiled widely.

"I feel so different to how I did only a few days ago."

Jack chuckled to himself.

"...Alright don't go all emotional on me... It's late I'm gunna go to bed."

Damien got up, picked up his book and walked out of the room, leaving Jack to watch the remainder of the film.

After which he dragged himself up the stairs to clamber into bed next to Bruce.

...

Bliss.

This must be happiness.

Waking up.

On a comfy bed.

Next to the person you're in love with.

Jack couldn't stop smiling as he looked over at the sleeping man who he had had found himself hugging when he woke up.

At Least Bruce's face looked slightly better this morning.

Not as swollen.

Jack tapped Bruce's shoulder in an attempt to wake him.

"Bruce honey, are you alright? Hows your face feeling?"

He stirred.

"Oh, hi Jack... Umm yeah I think I'm feeling better."

Jack smiled, "good. Selina said she'll be dropping in later, she wants to talk to you."

"What? Selina is coming? When did she tell you?"

"She came in last night, after you'd gone to sleep."

Bruce sat up, "why didn't you wake me up?"

"Well, I didn't want to wake you."

"...Thanks." Bruce smiled, "when's she coming?"

"Some time this morning. It's ok, we've got ages yet."

Jack sat up and kissed Bruce.

Bruce grunted happily, and returned the kiss.

"Should we get up then Jack?"

He shrugged, "why? It's still early, we've got all this time to ourselves, why not have some fun?"

Bruce shot an odd smile at Jack, "ok then, what do you suggest we do?"

Jack chuckled and kissed Bruce again.

...

It was a full 2 hours later that the pair tumbled down the stairs.

As Alfred saw them he was reminded of celebrating, overzealous team mates.

He thought it best to not ask exactly why.

"It's nice to see you in a good mood master Bruce."

Bruce smiled and reached out, lovingly touching Jacks face.

"Just having a good day, so far anyway."

"Yeah, hopefully it won't get too much worse when Selina gets here."

"Well master Bruce, master Jack, before that would you like something to eat?"

Bruce nodded, "just some cornflakes for me."

"Yeah, could I get some too?"

Alfred nodded and walked into the kitchen.

Jack turned and hugged Bruce, "that was nice."

Bruce kissed him, "yeah, you did get awfully loud though."

Jack giggled sheepishly, "sorry, I couldn't help it."

Bruce giggled back at Jack, "love you."

The shorter man let out a small happy sigh, "love you too."

They walked into the kitchen together and sat at the table.

The slight odd cluster of plates, bowls and cups on the table meant that the other inhabitants of the house had already eaten.

Weird.

Alfred normally cleared the table as soon as the food had been eaten.

"Are you ok Alfred?"

He looked up as he carried the bowls of cereal to them.

"It's not really my place to say master Bruce..."

Jack started slowly eating his food, he looked up at Alfred intrigued.

"Come on Alfred, if you've got a problem we want to know about it."

Alfred huffed, "no, really sirs, I'd feel more comfortable if I didn't say."

Bruce crossed his arms, "Alfred."

He huffed again, finally giving in.

"I'm sorry master Bruce, I don't think it's honorable of you to have a physical relationship with Jok-Jack when you still haven't spoken to Selina about it. You are effectively cheating on her."

Bruce nodded, "thank you Alfred, I'll keep that in mind."

Alfred started clearing the table, he seemed happier having said that.

They sat and ate their food in near silence, not wanting to upset Alfred again.

However the silence was filled with lust-filled glances and mimed kisses between the two lovers.

When they had finished their breakfast they quietly walked to the living room.

Leaving Alfred to clear the plates in the kitchen.

Jack sighed as he turned on the tv and sat next to Bruce.

"How bad do you think she'll react? Selina I mean?"

Bruce laughed nervously, "not well, definitely not well."

They both laughed, "it's going to be horrible isn't it."

"Yeah..." Bruce replied.

"We'll just have to hope she doesn't go all crazy Catwoman on your arse."

Jack leaned over and kissed Bruce.

"Hey, come on honey, I love you but no more till I've broken up with Selina. Alfred was right, its not honorable."

Jack nodded, "'spose. Well, when do you think she'll get-"

Dick entered the room, "Selina's here, she's really upset. Shall I tell her you're on your way?"

"Yes, thanks."

Dick left the room.

"You ready? Things could get ugly."

Bruce nodded, eyes down.

"Yeah. Not looking forward to it though."

Jack chuckled, "me neither."

They silently walked out the room and down the stairs.

Jack kept giving Bruce looks meant to reassure him.

However it just made him feel guilty about Selina.

They walked down the hall.

They now stood in full view of Selina.

"Selina I-"

"Why did you do this? I told yo to be nice and talk to him, to sort things out, but I didn't think you'd end up living with this guy! Him of all people!"

"I know, it felt wrong at first, but... I... He's different now."

Her eyes narrowed, "oh yeah sure he has, how many times has he told that to how many different people?"

"... I've never said that." Jack chimed, "this is the first time. People have always tried to change me back into whoever I was before, he's changed me into a whole new person. I am different now."

"How do we know he's not lieing! How could you do this to me!" She snapped.

"Do you know how long it's been since I felt happiness like this?" Bruce yelled.

"What about my happiness!" Selina started to cry, something that would have made any normal man uncomfortable and sympathetic.

But it seemed to just make Bruce angry.

"I didn't mean for this to happen! I didn't mean to fall in love with him!"

"I didn't mean to fall in love with you!" Selina roared, tears streaming down her cheeks.

She turned, almost falling, sobbing, into Dick's arms.

Bruce stood, still, gobsmacked.

"Selina... I'm sorry... I didn't know..."

Dick cocked his head, "how could you not know? It was so obvious."

"I... I didn't... I..." Bruce stuttered.

"You're so wrapped up in your own little world, you don't care what matters to anyone else."

Dick continued to hold the sobbing woman, who started to whimper through tears.

"... I... trusted you... I thought... I thought you loved me too... you said that... you would pick me..."

Bruce started shedding reluctant, angry tears.

"I'm sorry, I tried, it was wrong. We were wrong. It wouldn't have worked. I don't love you, I didn't love you. I love Jack. I'm sorry for what I've done to you. But we never would have worked."

She tried to stop crying, so she could speak clearer.

"... Why did you lie to me?"

Bruce wiped the few tears from his eyes, "I was lieing to myself, more than you. I wanted to make us work, I wanted to love you."

"Then why don't you love me?"

"Because I love Jack."

Selina suddenly looked incredibly angry.

She stormed up to Bruce and slapped him.

Then she turned and walked out, "if anyone asks, I broke up with you first."


	13. A bad man

"I can't believe you hadn't realised she was in love with you."

Bruce shook his head, "I can't believe she was. I didn't think she thought we were serious..."

He hugged Jack, "she always acted as if she didn't really care."

"Well she obviously did... Does... It's alright baby."

Bruce stood upright, and shook himself, "I'll be fine, I just hope she doesn't do anything stupid."

"Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine, she's not your problem anymore anyway."

Bruce looked over at Jack, "I'm Batman, if she does anything stupid it'll be my problem. If she does anything that'll hurt herself or anyone else it will be my problem."

Jack chuckled, "she wouldn't do anything like that."

Bruce grunted, "... But still."

Dick shook his head, "what do you mean she wouldn't? She's Catwoman. And she's heart broken. You have no idea what she could do."

"We should keep an eye on her, just in case."

Jack nodded, "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

Bruce sighed, "thank god for my tracking devices."

Jack looked at Bruce, a quizzical expression on his face.

"I've hidden cameras in her house."

Jack's mouth fell into a mocking, comical O, "oooh, spying on your girlfriends now are you?"

Bruce smiled at him.

The little jokes and jibes that he used to find infuriating he now found cute.

"She's Catwoman, I needed to keep an eye on her."

Jack smiled widely, "alright, but she won't get home for a while."

Bruce nodded, "yeah but the equipment takes that long to set up."

"... She better not do anything stupid..." Bruce mumbled as he started to walk towards the stairs to the Bat-cave.

Although he knew she would.

He walked down the stairs Jack following, and sat at the computer.

Jack also pulled out a chair and sat next to Bruce.

He positioned his chair rather close to Bruce, so he had enough room to work but was still within touching distance.

Bruce sighed angrily as he typed seemingly random words into the computer.

They sat in silence as Bruce tapped away at the keyboard, and occasionally got up to tug at and fiddle with wires at the back of the computer.

Jack looked over at Bruce.

"It's ok, she can't do anything too bad."

Bruce placed his head in his hands.

"But what if she does, she might end up getting hurt. If she does, it'll be my fault."

"Hey, it's not your fault, stop blaming yourself for everything, if she does something stupid it was her decision to. You can't control her."

"... Oh shut up..." Bruce snapped.

Jack shook his head, "fine then, be like that, everything's your fault and there's no proving otherwise. You can be so hard headed."

Bruce turned and looked at Jack, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap, things just seem to be going so badly lately. Apart from what's happened with you."

Jack smiled, an unspoken acceptance of his apology.

"So, have you got the link to the cameras set up?"

Bruce nodded, pressing enter on the keyboard.

Jack started giggling, as if a school girl, at the video he and Bruce were now watching.

He tittered as they watched Selina enter her bedroom, muttering angrily to herself, and she started undressing herself.

She threw the clothes she was removing across the room, aiming to hit this out of place with them.

"Ooh, look at that Brucey, you're missing a treat giving her up." Jack laughed.

He glanced over to Bruce, who had started to blush slightly as they watched Selina stomp angrily around her room in nothing but a frilly black thong.

"... What is she doing?" Bruce asked.

Jack shrugged, "seems she's looking for something."

Bruce inched closer to the screen, "probably her Catwoman costume."

They watched as she crawled under her bed, and retrieved an old, battered mobile phone.

"What the hell? What's that?" Jack moved his chair forward as well.

Selina turned on the mobile.

She spent a short time jabbing at the buttons of the phone, although soon after the phone emitted a bleeping noise, and turned off.

The angered woman threw the mobile across the room.

She quickly located a piece of paper and a pen, then scribbled something on the paper.

"What's she writing? What's she doing?" Jack questioned.

"I have no idea, a number off of the phone maybe?"

Selina dashed out of the bedroom.

"Where's she going? Do you have another camera for her other rooms?"

Bruce nodded and scampered to the back of the monitor.

He replaced one of the wires with another, "can you see her?"

"Yeah, come and see."

They watched as she walked, still in only her thong, and picked up her corded landline phone.

She started copying numbers from the piece of paper onto the dial pad.

She lifted the phone to her ear, "Hello? Is this Arkham asylum? Hi, I'd like to know is I could arrange a visit? With Miss Harleen Quinzel. Yes that's right. It's her birthday soon, I'm an old friend, I just wanted to see if I could pop in to say hi?"

There was a long pause in the conversation.

Jack looked over at Bruce, they were both astounded at what Selina was doing.

Selina's voice echoed from the computer speakers, "oh that'll be brilliant. Ok I'll be in then. Thank you."

She hung up.

Bruce sighed.

"Ok, I think we can guess what she's going to do."

Jack chuckled, "oh god, if one heart broken woman is scary, two would scare me shitless!"

"What should we do?"

Jack cocked his head, "can't you just phone them up and tell them not to do it?"

"...No. I've tried it before, the new warden hates me and thinks I'm 'hindering the inmates progress.'"

Jack grunted, "sucks, I would have loved for you to have come and visited me more often in Arkham."

Bruce smiled, "I did more for you than you knew."

"Awww, how sweet of you... So what are we going to do about this?"

"Track her, of course, find out what she plans to do with Harley."

Jack smirked, "I would have thought it would be obvious what she plans to do."

Bruce smiled, "yes, but we shouldn't assume."

Jack laughed, running his hand through his hair, "Harley doesn't know anything about us, when she finds out she'll go nuts."

Bruce chuckled, "yeah, good luck handling that mess."

Jack grunted disapprovingly, "anyway, how do we track her? Have you put those tracking thingys on her clothes?"

Bruce smiled, "on all her bras."

Jack smiled back, "oh aren't you a sly one. Did it take you long to do that?"

Bruce chuckled, "surprisingly long."

He sighed dispiritedly.

Jack's smile faded, "oh honey it's ok, you didn't mean to lead her on. You can't help what happened."

"... I wish I hadn't hurt her."

Jack patted Bruce on the shoulder, "the best thing we can do now is make sure she doesn't hurt herself."

"Well I've got trackers on her, I'll keep the monitor on me, we'll know exactly where she is, when she goes anywhere near Arkham we'll know."

"Ok, brilliant So... do we just carry on as normal until she does?"

Bruce nodded, "yeah I guess so. I'll keep this link to the cameras up, but, apart from that? Yeah, we act as normal."

Jack smiled, "good, lots of time to ourselves..."

He giggled.

Bruce smiled at him, "oi, there are children living here, we can't be doing that all the time. Although it would be nice..."

Jack chuckled, "well we could go to a hotel or something, I mean, you're Bruce Wayne, you own most of them."

Bruce chuckled.

"Yeah maybe. Sounds nice..."

Jack stood, hands on hips, smiling of course.

"Well, shall we go up stairs?"

Bruce chuckled, and took to his feet as well.

They slowly climbed the stairs together.

As they did they chatted, menial talk about nothing in particular.

Alfred hurried over to them.

He looked slightly alarmed.

"Uh, master Bruce, Jarred is here, says that he arranged to meet with you, but you didn't show up, says he phoned but you didn't answer."

"My business phone is upstairs. I completely forgot about it."

Bruce shook his head in annoyance.

"I can't believe I forgot, I never forget my appointments."

Jack patted Bruce on the back.

"It's ok, you've been busy."

"I've never forgotten before."

Bruce started to hurry down the hallway to meet Jarred.

Followed by Jack and Alfred.

"Hey, Jarred!" He said in a loud, manly drawl as he walked up to him, arms opened.

"Bruce, mate! 'ow are you?"

Jarred's voice seemed cold, a strong cockney accent, and a lazy mouth.

"Oh yeah I'm fine, I'm fine"

"Yeah, 'm wonderin' why you missed our 'pointment, ya never have before."

Bruce placed him hand on the back of his head, "yeah sorry I've been busy, out with my… urrr…"

Bruce glanced at Jack then looked down at his shoes, "friend."

Jack looked over at Bruce, slightly shocked.

Jarred looked over at Jack, "this 'im? Bit scrawny ain't 'e? Awful tall though!"

Jarred gave a loud short, bark like laugh.

Bruce laughed as well, "yeah, he is."

Jack frowned at him.

He'd just laughed at him.

Jarred walked over to shake Jacks hand, "my name's Jarred, wha's your's? Or should I just call you Bruce's friend?"

Jack didn't move, he stood staring at Bruce.

Who was leaning against the wall, smiling.

Friend?

Had he really done all this to be called nothing more than a friend?

He had changed his life for this man and he wouldn't admit to anything?

Even to this buffoon?

"His name's Jack… umm… Napier, he's a new business partner. He'll be working with me quite a lot from now on." Bruce said to fill the silence.

Business partner?

Jack took a deep breath.

He stood, unblinking.

"'E don't talk much does 'e, you sure 'e's alright?"

Bruce nodded, "yeah he's fine, he's not too good outside the boardroom."

They laughed.

"'E might end up as a bit of a drag if 'e's not social."

Bruce chuckled, looking over at Jack.

"He's good where it matters."

He smiled sheepishly, realising he had done something wrong.

"Jarred could you go and wait in the meeting room, I need to talk to Jack."

Jarred nodded and waddled off.

Bruce watched the short chubby man leave.

"Jack? Are you alright?"

Jack huffed.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He grunted.

"Honey," Bruce half-whispered, "I'm sorry, he's a really 'manly man', if he found out about us then our business relationship would be over."

Jack looked down, "if this is gunna work then we need to be open about it, and he'd find out about it anyway."

Bruce shook his head.

"But not now." Bruce turned and walked towards the meeting room.

Jack didn't follow, he stood, disheartened.

Alfred smiled over at him, "I'm sure he didn't mean any harm master Jack."

Jack blinked several times and sniffed.

"Yeah, probably not."

Jack walked after Bruce.

He stopped before the door and took out his compact mirror and make up out of his pockets.

He applied some more of his foundation onto his face.

As well as some blush and eye shadow, eyeliner, and some lipstick.

He'd show that 'manly man' what was what.

He walked into the small sitting room, the temporary meeting room.

Jarred and Bruce were in deep conversation, talking about girls they had recently gone out with.

"Yeah, the las' girl I was with was this one called Lisa, she was lovely, hard to get, but worth it. You still going out with that wildcard? What's 'er name? Selina?"

Bruce chuckled, "yeah, broke up with her yesterday. She was err… not my type."

Jarred laughed, "she had boobs didn't she?"

Jack sat next to Bruce, a little closer than friends should.

Jarred looked over at Jack, noticing his overuse of make up, he became slightly quieter.

"That can't be the only reason you broke up with her, I mean, she was a hell of a catch, Brucey." Jack smirked.

Jarred raised an eyebrow, he seemed unnerved.

"Well to be honest, she was really clingy, if I even talked to any other women she went nuts."

"…Only other women?" Jack mumbled loudly.

Bruce glared at Jack.

"So anyway, this new account you're opening, what will you actually be working on with the money I give you?"

Jarred sat upright, "well, we'a hopin' to set up a small branch of our business designed to 'elp people oo've not been in work for over 4 months get work experience with our company."

Bruce leant forward smiling.

"So free work for you?"

"Kinda', tha's part of it, we also promise to give anyone who does work experience will us a recommendation."

"That sounds good" chimed Jack, "sounds like something I would have liked when I was young."

"Oh yeah! Speaking of young'uns, 'ow's that kid of your's?"

Bruce's slight smile grew as they started to talk about his child.

"Damien. Yeah he's fine, doing well in school, and in his sports and everything."

Jack crossed his arms, "doesn't like me though…!"

Bruce, forgetting himself for a minute, put his hand on Jack's knee, "he just needs some time to get used to you."

His eyes widened and he jerked his hand away.

Jarred shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"So, umm, do ya' wanna get this account signed over then? I 'ave to go soon, got other things to do."

"Yeah, sure," Jack said over enthusiastically, "I can't wait to start working with you in the future."

Jarred again, shifted uncomfortably.

He moved to get up from his chair.

"Ya' know what Bruce, can we sign this another day, I've jus' remembered something I've got to do."

Bruce near leaped up from his chair, "now hang on it'll only take a few minutes to sign the deal. I can get the documents now."

"Yeah, give me and Jarred a few seconds to chat alone" smirked Jack.

"No, it's ok Bruce, I really have to go."

Jarred left the room, almost running.

They heard the door close as he left.

"Why did you do that, Jack?"

Jack looked at his shoes, "I don't like people like him."

"What do you mean?"

Jack shrugged, "I used to kill people like him."

"You'd kill anyone. You'd kill your mum for a slice of cheese."

Jack giggled.

"I used to kill anyone, I did so without prejudice."

Jack exhaled.

"… Jack, you can't do this sort of thing. Jarred will most likely close his accounts with Wayne enterprises. We will lose so much money."

Jack huffed.

"So, it's only money."

"It's not only money, it was my parents money, and it's my job to make sure it's kept safe."

"Well I don't think it's 'safe' if it's shared with people like him."

Bruce scowled at Jack, "I decide what to do with it."

Jack had had enough of this pointless argument.

"Fine."

He walked off in a strop, leaving Bruce frowning.

Bruce swore under his breath.

They spent the rest of the day hardly talking.

A few annoyed, sad, and eventually longing looks passed from one to the other.

They eventually forgave each other, but no one wanted to say the first word.

That night Bruce clambered into bed with Jack, after going out to do a brief scour of the city as Batman.

He smiled to himself as a half-asleep Jack rolled over to hug him.

"Hi, honey."

…

As the morning came Bruce woke to find Jack staring at him, smiling.

"Hey smiley. Why are you awake so early?"

Jack shrugged, "I don't sleep much normally anyway."

"I thought you could sleep better with me here."

Jack nodded, "I can, but there's a limit to how long I can sleep."

Bruce smiled, "oh yeah, we're going shopping today, for stuff for you."

"Oooh yay, can I pick out anything I want?"

"As long as it's not too Joker-like."

Bruce swung his legs off the edge of the bed and picked his clothes up off of the floor.

He started to get dressed.

Jack watched for a while, then started to get dressed himself.

…

Alfred watched as the pair walked down the stairs towards him.

"Sir's, I took the liberty of making some pancakes for your breakfast, I thought after yesterday they may be welcome."

"Oooh, yum I love pancakes, Harley used to make them for me after a successful robbery."

Bruce looked over at Jack, he was sure that comment was made on purpose.

They walked to the kitchen and sat down to start eating the food that had been prepared for them.

"We'll check on Selina, then get to shopping."

"Oh I already checked on her, she was lounging about on her sofa, watching T.V."

Bruce nodded "oh, ok."

They sat and chatted whilst eating their breakfast, Jack told, what he though was, a rather amusing story about being forced to drink paint thinner by an abusive guard at Arkham.

"Who was it?" Bruce asked, frowning viciously.

"His name was… Jennis? I think? Yeah. Albert Jennis. It's ok though honey, he got fired when I almost died from it."

Jack shook his head and chuckled.

"How can you act like that Jack? How can you go though such an ordeal and then laugh about it, you almost died!"

Jack smiled and shook his head, "I wasn't going to die."

"What? How can you say that?"

"There have only been two times when I truly felt I was going to die."

He raised his forefinger.

"When I first became Joker. When I fell into the acid? I felt like I was burning and drowning at the same time."

He raised a second finger.

"And one of the times when we first started fighting. When I'd got really badly beaten, I think the nurse said I had broken 72 bones, and I had fallen into that frozen lake, my lungs where half filled with water and blood."

He smiled at Bruce.

"Do you remember that? I kept calling for help, but no one came, then you swung in like that stupid hero you are and saved me."

Bruce giggled, "yeah, I remember, when you saw it was me you started saying to throw you back in the water."

Bruce swallowed his last mouthful of pancake and slammed his hands on the table.

"Right! Let's get going. Those clothes aren't going to buy themselves."

.

.

**_I'm not going to update this untill I get 10 reviews for this story, that's only 3 more, this isn't me being mean and refusing to update, this is me not knowing if people are enjoying this story, I need to know what you think!_**


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